Wedding jokes?
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Brad Huber
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An elderly woman walked into the local country church. A friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked.
"The front row please." she answered.
"You really dont want to do that." the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" asked the woman.
"No." replied the man.
"I am the pastor's Mother!" the woman replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" the usher asked.
"No." she said.
"Good!"
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked.
"The front row please." she answered.
"You really dont want to do that." the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" asked the woman.
"No." replied the man.
"I am the pastor's Mother!" the woman replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" the usher asked.
"No." she said.
"Good!"
Brad Huber
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A minister had two gossipy sisters in his church. One day they saw his car parked in front of a liquor store and began spreading word of thier ministers "drinking" problem. When he learned who was spreading the rumor, he parked his car in front of the sisters house and left it there overnight.
Strypes
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Miser hubby
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.
He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I wanna take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man."
She replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with that man?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.
He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I wanna take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man."
She replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with that man?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"
Grandpa Jones was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."
Two couples had a fight and were not talking to each other for long time. But the husband had an urgent meeting on the next day and he had to wake up early morning. But he didn't know how to tell this to his wife. So he decided to write on a paper with a note "Wake me up at 4am" and put it near to the place where his wife sleeps. So he did it. And went to bed peacefully. But he was too furious to know that he woke up very late that he cannot attend the meeting. He saw his wife sleeping next to his bed. Suddenly he saw a slip next to where he laid. It read like this " Wake up it is 4am".
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