what am I doing wrong?

[smitties09]

Hi everyone,

I have four children altogether, the oldest being 2 daughters who have left home & have their own families and lives. I have 2 sons at home with us the oldest being 17yrs at the end of this month. I have had enough of the 17yr old, he continuously looks grumpy, hardly speaks to us and when he does he's grumpy and has an attitude & generally never looks happy unless he's with friends or doing something he wants to do. He plays alot on the play station with his friends online, never mixes with us. Which I have just said he stay off now. We have tried to have a good talk with him but I don't know if its sinking in. Have I spoilt him I don't know.

My husband and I bend over backwards for this child and it just never is enough, and he never respects us any more for it. Except he speaks to us in a nice tone when he wants something for himself and silly me gives it thinking he might change. I know this will probably be a hard question to answer because none of you know me or what my household is like or run.
Our youngest son is a delight and you would not even know they are brothers. two total different personalities. our daughters have grown into lovely young women. if you want to know anything else about me feel free to ask. I feel like just giving up and sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode to no point of return.
those of you with teenagers must understand or is it just me.

thanks all

 

[Boanerges]

Hi everyone,

I have four children altogether, the oldest being 2 daughters who have left home & have their own families and lives. I have 2 sons at home with us the oldest being 17yrs at the end of this month. I have had enough of the 17yr old, he continuously looks grumpy, hardly speaks to us and when he does he's grumpy and has an attitude & generally never looks happy unless he's with friends or doing something he wants to do. He plays alot on the play station with his friends online, never mixes with us. Which I have just said he stay off now. We have tried to have a good talk with him but I don't know if its sinking in. Have I spoilt him I don't know.

My husband and I bend over backwards for this child and it just never is enough, and he never respects us any more for it. Except he speaks to us in a nice tone when he wants something for himself and silly me gives it thinking he might change. I know this will probably be a hard question to answer because none of you know me or what my household is like or run.
Our youngest son is a delight and you would not even know they are brothers. two total different personalities. our daughters have grown into lovely young women. if you want to know anything else about me feel free to ask. I feel like just giving up and sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode to no point of return.
those of you with teenagers must understand or is it just me.

thanks all

Sadly this is the way of many teenagers. It seems they are struggling to establish their adulthood, self determination, and independence while Mom and Dad have and always will be parents viewing their child as just that, a child. The result is resentment and rebellion, which can be most unpleasant. The good news is this: They generally grow out of this stage. I would recommend a trip to the library to find some books on this subject. Dr. James Dobson is a Christian who's entire ministry is based around helping families cope with and deal with just such issues. He has much wisdom from God and has been a great help to my family over the years.
You are in my prayers.

 

[kamiller1972]

Hang in there!

I have two teenage boys...and let me tell ya....there are days that I just wanna crawl in a cave and never come out! My middle child used to be such a momma's boy. And then...BOOM! 16 hit and it was over. Like you, I am struggling with it. I pray for him and hope he will be momma's boy again. My 17 year-old is a laid back lazy little bugger, but he's a delight non-the-less.

What I try to remember is that, I too, was a rebellious teenager that couldn't stand to be around my parents. I was a complete wreck...doing drugs and drinking. I am thankful my boys are not like that and pray that they stay that way. So the fact that the middle one is acting up...eh, I think he will grow out of it-hopefully clean and sober, unlike me. I know I eventually did! Hang in there! Praying for ya! :wink:

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

i have 6 my self only one left in house 13 yrs old..each one gave us differant problems no two alike..i have no defenite answers for you but i do have one question ..How much like youre child are you with the Lord .? I know that God gives us children so we know how he has to deal with us . DO we speak nicely of Him when we need somthing .? DOES He bend over backwards for us trying to teach us..? What i do know is that as a parent just like God we try to provide all our children need ..BUT even God knows to with hold somtimes for our own good .. look at the prodical son..even though He gave all to his wayward son ..He knew the things of this world would let him down .BUT allowed him to learn and was there to pickup the pieces when all was done.I have been lucky enough to hear my children say thank you I know now why you did what you did..I PROMISE YOU this too shall pass ,,just pray that the Lord soften the heart and that God protect youre child as He grows..JUST like God does for us as we learn ...Hope it helps ..Rev

 

[Giggles4God]

I don't have children, but I remember that age. The place where you aren't a child anymore and yet not an adult. You walk around so unsure of yourself that if anyone asked you you'd say you're okay, but not really. When I was 17, my mom went into the hospital for two months after having open heart surgery. And I had to help out at home, do homework, and go to work part-time, too.

You have to realize that he's about to be a man. He can't quite figure out where he stands and he is going to need all the support he can get. I am very glad when my dad couldn't be there for my brother, Jonathan had some men at church who "stepped up" and took that place. Even our step dad helped him.

Sometimes even if they act out or say or do certain things...it doesn't mean they don't care or love their parents. It just means that they are trying to stand on their own two feet. You either hold onto them too much to keep them safe or believe that GOD will watch over them...give them roots to grow and wings to fly.

 

[WomanOfFaith]

You are doing nothing wrong. I have a 19 year old and a 13 year old. My 19 year old talks to me as if I'm some sort of idiot.. you know, because parents are just dumb and don't know anything... lol. As I read your post, it reminded me so much of my daughter. It's the age. They are at that age where they know everything, you don't know what you are talking about.. and yes, they are going to give you the world when they want something, but, then after you give it to them.. forget it. I try not to give everything to my daughter.. at this stage of her life, I try to teach her that when she wants things, she has to work for it. If she wants to do extra chores around the house, I'll be glad to go the extra mile for her. To me, just handing things over to a child of that age is asking for trouble.

God Bless
Tina