DIVORCED, now what ?

[Thiscrosshurts]

Adam had to chose ? His wife or obey GOD? He picked sinning. God did not tell Adam , He could not love His wife. But He feared losing Her and being alone.
.

Are you sure about that?
I have to wonder how long Adam waited before he took a bite.
Was he obeying his wife or using her as a guinea pig?

When confronted by God did he stand in front of her and man up?
No he said the woman that you gave me did eat and then she gave me.
Poor Adam makes himself a victim, after all he didn't even take it from the tree himself.
If I was a detective I would suspect Adam felt he would not suffer death because he had God on a technicality.
Perhaps he thought he would see what happened to her before he partook.

 

[spirit1st]

Yes He feared GOD when face too face with HIM.
But just think men have since the beginning had problems because of women. Men have fallen for them and ended up dead and in prison and lost everything. Most all my problems in life was because of a woman. But I do not blame them. I blame me. I was the dummy. Trouble is , it not only hurt my life ,but our children . And i guess others too.

My ex wife once told me? All I have to do is shed a few tears and you will do anything I say. And She showed me She could cry any time She wanted too. But after that . I could no longer be tricked .

God warns us lots in the bible about bad women and He also tells us about Wonderful women . All the problems start at the beginning.

 

[james g]

Adam had to chose ? His wife or obey GOD? He picked sinning. God did not tell Adam , He could not love His wife. But He feared losing Her and being alone.
He did not understand, God would have given Him another wife. You know , Many try to please there mates instead of obeying GOD living Words and fall into problems?
I done it, I know first hand.
Fear does it I believe.
When the truth is ? If we just start off right and then obey HIS Words. We will do much ,much better.

In a way, it good we make mistakes so we can warn others. Of course we feel real bad after the fact.
Good your here man. Bless you and your family and household.

Do you have bible verses?Or is it you saying it?

 

[Fragrant Grace]

May I ask........

What should be done in the case of a marriage that has broken down totally.
Despite attempting reconciliation, counselling etc
Where there is no love but just oppression and bitterness prevailing for many years...affecting the children.

But where no adultery has been committed and where both husband and wife are saved?

 

[B-A-C]

What should be done in the case of a marriage that has broken down totally.
Despite attempting reconciliation, counseling etc
Where there is no love but just oppression and bitterness prevailing for many years...affecting the children.

But where no adultery has been committed and where both husband and wife are saved?

I say this as someone who has been there. Who didn't want a divorce, fought against it with everything I had, and yet it happened. Also I believe if there is physical abuse
the rules are different.
1. Are both of putting God first in everything? Even before yourself?
2. Are you putting your spouse above you? Are you truly lifting them up even when you disagree with them?
I heard people say, but I'm not happy. Did you get married just to be happy? What if part of the reason for marriage isn't to make us happy, but to make us holy?

After years of being involved in counseling, (on both sides) I can honestly say I have never (not once) seen a case where someone wanted a divorce where selfishness was not involved.
At least at some level, they wanted to be "free". Free from rules, free from God, Free from their spouse. Free from the kids, just free.. to be them. "I just want space to be myself".
How selfish is that? We have a way of making it all about ourselves. Maybe some separation for a time might be needed, but that's not divorce.

Heb 12:15; See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

I know, the same old argument day after day gets old. The same hurts, the same put downs, no one knows how to hurt you like a spouse can. An old saying says
we hurt those most that we love the most. When the love has ended, there is nothing but hurting left, and when you've been hurt enough, you quit loving also.
Yet Jesus said...
2 Cor 12:9; And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Love isn't just a feeling, it's a choice, a commitment. It's a promise you made to God, an covenant you made with each other. "Til death do us part". Good times, bad times, richer or poorer, sickness, health, we forget those promises when the storms turn into months or years. Yes the kids can see this. But as someone who has been there, divorce hardly ever makes things better for the kids. Now instead of two fighting parents together, they still have two parents. Separated. The fighting doesn't always stop even then. My first wife told me, a few years after she divorced me...
"I always blamed everything on you, but you've been gone for five years, I still have the same problems". It wasn't totally her fault, I wasn't perfect. I blamed her for things also. The marriage got to the point where it became a contest to see who could hurt who the worst. How terrible is that. I knew better, but somehow I got caught up in it. It's easier than you think for it all to become about you.
I deserve better, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve them. When did life become about us and what we "deserve"?

They should both try prayer and counseling. Mediation if necessary. I they need to apologize to each other. They need to forgive each other. They need to remember the promises they made each other and God. They need to quit hurting each other, they need to truly learn to listen to the heart of the other person. Sometimes they need time to heal. If you really know Jesus, then you know someone who can heal broken hearts and change them.

I didn't get to see much of my kids growing up. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, it wasn't what I wanted. The bright side is, they didn't see us fight as often.
The down side is... I missed school plays, scout meetings, taking them to church every week and a million other things. I would have been closer to my kids if I could have stayed.
That was many years ago, and God has healed. We have both apologized and forgiven, but life didn't get better or easier until we learned how to do that. It took many years.
We always think "well, that's you, not me", but it's funny, in all the divorces I've seen over the years, it always works out that way.

 

[spirit1st]

I think it mostly by being unevenly yoked? But also, We can be tricked by satan too . If it based on Jesus ? It will last. If based on religion or what a pastor says or a pope or others? It might not .

When Both LOVE the LORD ? They will work it out.

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

"I always blamed everything on you, but you've been gone for five years, I still have the same problems".

Thank you for your post brother,I had to fight back the tears( they came anyway) as I read it.
My wife and I are about to celebrate 31 years and I wish I had the advice you gave 31 years ago,however 31 years ago I knew everything so I doubt I would have listened.
Ego=suffering
I felt that you actually are able to love her unselfishly now because you don't expect anything back.
I want to love everyone like that.

 

[B-A-C]

My wife and I are about to celebrate 31 years

Congrats!!!
Prov 18:22; He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

Congrats!!!
Prov 18:22; He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

It seems like those who have been through divorce can often give better advice than those who have not.
There are so many pressures on a marriage and so many different factors involved that it seems expedient to know what not(the earlier the better) to do more than what to do.

We did everything wrong,married young,both non-believers,neither had a job in a down economy.
The one thing that helped the most may have been that everyone told us we were stupid so we may simply have pride issues.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

I say this as someone who has been there. Who didn't want a divorce, fought against it with everything I had, and yet it happened. Also I believe if there is physical abuse
the rules are different.
1. Are both of putting God first in everything? Even before yourself?
2. Are you putting your spouse above you? Are you truly lifting them up even when you disagree with them?
I heard people say, but I'm not happy. Did you get married just to be happy? What if part of the reason for marriage isn't to make us happy, but to make us holy?

After years of being involved in counseling, (on both sides) I can honestly say I have never (not once) seen a case where someone wanted a divorce where selfishness was not involved.
At least at some level, they wanted to be "free". Free from rules, free from God, Free from their spouse. Free from the kids, just free.. to be them. "I just want space to be myself".
How selfish is that? We have a way of making it all about ourselves. Maybe some separation for a time might be needed, but that's not divorce.

Heb 12:15; See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

I know, the same old argument day after day gets old. The same hurts, the same put downs, no one knows how to hurt you like a spouse can. An old saying says
we hurt those most that we love the most. When the love has ended, there is nothing but hurting left, and when you've been hurt enough, you quit loving also.
Yet Jesus said...
2 Cor 12:9; And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Love isn't just a feeling, it's a choice, a commitment. It's a promise you made to God, an covenant you made with each other. "Til death do us part". Good times, bad times, richer or poorer, sickness, health, we forget those promises when the storms turn into months or years. Yes the kids can see this. But as someone who has been there, divorce hardly ever makes things better for the kids. Now instead of two fighting parents together, they still have two parents. Separated. The fighting doesn't always stop even then. My first wife told me, a few years after she divorced me...
"I always blamed everything on you, but you've been gone for five years, I still have the same problems". It wasn't totally her fault, I wasn't perfect. I blamed her for things also. The marriage got to the point where it became a contest to see who could hurt who the worst. How terrible is that. I knew better, but somehow I got caught up in it. It's easier than you think for it all to become about you.
I deserve better, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve them. When did life become about us and what we "deserve"?

They should both try prayer and counseling. Mediation if necessary. I they need to apologize to each other. They need to forgive each other. They need to remember the promises they made each other and God. They need to quit hurting each other, they need to truly learn to listen to the heart of the other person. Sometimes they need time to heal. If you really know Jesus, then you know someone who can heal broken hearts and change them.

I didn't get to see much of my kids growing up. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, it wasn't what I wanted. The bright side is, they didn't see us fight as often.
The down side is... I missed school plays, scout meetings, taking them to church every week and a million other things. I would have been closer to my kids if I could have stayed.
That was many years ago, and God has healed. We have both apologized and forgiven, but life didn't get better or easier until we learned how to do that. It took many years.
We always think "well, that's you, not me", but it's funny, in all the divorces I've seen over the years, it always works out that way.

Thank you for your response @B-A-C
Praise the Lord that you have now found forgiveness and peace regarding your past divorce.

For many years I was in the very strict brethren.
If a marriage broke down then both husband and wife would be ex-communicated with no loving help or support.
Even the children of the marriage would be cut off from any fellowship

If they ever returned to the fellowship, they would be permanently banned from breaking bread and taking wine.

I witnessed broken hearts and intense shame created by this course of action.

Surely 'the church' where possible should work lovingly and prayerfully with a couple whose marriage has broken down whatever the end result may be?

 

[B-A-C]

For many years I was in the very strict brethren.
If a marriage broke down then both husband and wife would be ex-communicated with no loving help or support.
Even the children of the marriage would be cut off from any fellowship

I believe God hates divorce. It's a terrible traumatic thing. I have mentioned on here before, when two become "one flesh" and then are ripped apart, it can hurt as much as having a real piece of your flesh ripped from you.
Both things leave real scars.
But I believe God forgives, even divorce. Even adultery.

2 Sam 11:3; So David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, "Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?"
2 Sam 11:4; David sent messengers and took her, and when she came to him, he lay with her; and when she had purified herself from her uncleanness, she returned to her house.
2 Sam 11:5; The woman conceived; and she sent and told David, and said, "I am pregnant."
2 Sam 11:26; Now when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.
2 Sam 11:27; When the time of mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house and she became his wife; then she bore him a son. But the thing that David had done was evil in the sight of the LORD.

I don't believe any sin is too great for God to forgive. As for David...

2 Sam 12:6; "He must make restitution for the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing and had no compassion."
2 Sam 12:7; Nathan then said to David, "You are the man! Thus says the LORD God of Israel, 'It is I who anointed you king over Israel and it is I who delivered you from the hand of Saul.

Psa 51:1; For the choir director. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
Psa 51:2; Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity And cleanse me from my sin.
Psa 51:3; For I know my transgressions, And my sin is ever before me.
Psa 51:4; Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight, So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge.

He confessed his sin, he repented of it, and God forgave him.

Acts 13:22; "After He had removed him, He raised up David to be their king, concerning whom He also testified and said, 'I HAVE FOUND DAVID the son of Jesse, A MAN AFTER MY HEART, who will do all My will.'