My Life is a Lie

[Castaway]

So today I found out that the woman I loved for most of my life, a woman that married me, never truly loved me. I was her safety blanket, a tool to get what she wanted. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I spent so many years loving this woman, and she didn’t love me. She loved the idea of a family and a house. She didn’t want me, she wanted to build a Norman Rockwell painting. Someone who could be part of her picture of the perfect life. When she thought I could not be that for her, she abandoned me. Now I have found out that she replaced me less than 6 months after we separated, almost as soon as our divorce was finalized. She had her new man. She just married that man.

I have barely begun to rebuild my life, and she is already done. My whole life is in pieces. I lost everything. My home, my wife, my job (had to relocate to a new town), my kids (non-biological kids) who I loved and cause my heart to ache ever time I think about them. I even lost my car. I had to surrender it because it took 7 months for me to find work in this small town that I hate.

For a while I was doing better, but over the last few months I have come to realize that I just don’t want to be here anymore. I have been praying everyday for months that God would let me die. No, he does not like it when you pray for death. I don’t even want to go to heaven. It is my prayer that God will make me cease to exist. I can’t imagine any afterlife that has memories of this life would be worth it. No joy can make the pain of this life worth it.

I want to ask “How can I move forward”? But I just don’t I am done. I don’t want any part of this world anymore. There just isn’t anything in this world worth being here for.

My relationship with her is not the total cause of how I feel, but is was the catalyst for this post.

 

[Rhema]

Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.​

- Matthew 22:36-38 KJV

Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do? Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.​

- Acts 2:37-38 KJV

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.​

- Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,​

- Luke 4:18 KJV

I have been praying everyday for months that God would let me die.

How about that he would open a door ??

Agape,
Rhema

Until I come and take you away to a land like your own land, a land of corn and wine, a land of bread and vineyards, a land of oil olive and of honey, that ye may live, and not die:​

- 2 Kings 18:32 KJV

How about we pray this for each other?

 

[Christ4Ever]

Dear Castaway,
First welcome to Talk Jesus an online community of Jesus Christ Believers.
If Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior, which by your bio that you state you are a born-again believer. That being said, from what you've written in your post, it looked like this was going to happen sooner or later. Now comes the refocusing part, and realigning yourself with the one you say is your Savior. It starts with Jesus! Not with your ex, stepchildren (assuming the latter from how you phrased it in your post), or in fact anyone else or anything else.

Most of what you've lost seems a list of things, but from your writing, it appears to be the greatest part has been your self-respect. That's the one that tares up a man the most when it comes to having a relationship with a woman! You lose the respect or are told you never had it, can be the hardest blow a man can receive, even if you're grounded as a Man of God.

I don't know how your walk with the Lord is brother, but you need to put your focus on where it's going to do you the best right now. Not on what has been lost, but on the relationship that has, I'm pretty sure been neglected. So, that if you ever had one, it can be revitalized, like a cold bucket of water over your head after a hard workout, day at work, etc.

I state this because there are many nuances to your post that will when being looked at deeply only make it that much harder for you to think with any clarity on how it could have happened, and where your life will now move forward to. Oh, and move forward it shall, if you come back to Jesus, that is if you've ever had Him to begin with. Not trying to add to your burden but trying to position it in such a way that it won't break your back doing so!

Some light reading for you. Read the book of Job! Which I'm sure is not the first time you've heard this suggest but know it's a good one. Praying before undertaking this assignment, for wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and most especially God's grace in His Love. The insight you will receive in this, will also help you in your prayer life.

I will pray for you, and I'm sure others here will also. Remember, if you've forgotten: You are never alone in Christ Jesus. You are also welcome to return to let us know how you are doing.

With the Love of Christ Jesus, and again be welcome brother, and know we're praying for you.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><

 

[Drey Day]

My friend, first and foremost, seek after God in an absolute manner: not only pray, but go on a fast where you throw yourself before the throne of God, seeking after a complete revival of your life. You have other issues I see here, and you need breakthrough. The battles we fight are not only physical, but spiritual as well. The enemy wants to disrupt your destiny, and so sometimes we need to fast in order to break through these demonic strongholds that are sabotaging your career, motivation, relationships, and mental clarity.

You are a man living in a world where women are more entitled than ever, susceptible to the demonic spirit of Jezebel that encourages them to engage in all sorts of behavior that is contrary to traditional gender roles. They initiate 80 percent of divorces, being opportunistic, monkey branching to find the bigger better deal, and thinking they can be a boss babe having it all.

Move out of your small town. First off, small towns are where people gossip about each other, and it’s also hard to heal in the same environment where you got hurt. You’re single now, so get out there and explore the world and its limitless opportunities.

Go to the gym if you don’t already. Get in the best shape of your life. Increase your dating market value. A healthy body is a healthy mind.

Stop making a woman the most important thing, never put her on a pedestal. Following God and your purpose comes first, and that is attractive. Build yourself up on all levels: mentally, physically, and spiritually and make her regret leaving the man you were meant to be.

 

[Garee]

So today I found out that the woman I loved for most of my life, a woman that married me, never truly loved me. I was her safety blanket, a tool to get what she wanted. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I spent so many years loving this woman, and she didn’t love me. She loved the idea of a family and a house. She didn’t want me, she wanted to build a Norman Rockwell painting. Someone who could be part of her picture of the perfect life. When she thought I could not be that for her, she abandoned me. Now I have found out that she replaced me less than 6 months after we separated, almost as soon as our divorce was finalized. She had her new man. She just married that man.

I have barely begun to rebuild my life, and she is already done. My whole life is in pieces. I lost everything. My home, my wife, my job (had to relocate to a new town), my kids (non-biological kids) who I loved and cause my heart to ache ever time I think about them. I even lost my car. I had to surrender it because it took 7 months for me to find work in this small town that I hate.

For a while I was doing better, but over the last few months I have come to realize that I just don’t want to be here anymore. I have been praying everyday for months that God would let me die. No, he does not like it when you pray for death. I don’t even want to go to heaven. It is my prayer that God will make me cease to exist. I can’t imagine any afterlife that has memories of this life would be worth it. No joy can make the pain of this life worth it.

I want to ask “How can I move forward”? But I just don’t I am done. I don’t want any part of this world anymore. There just isn’t anything in this world worth being here for.

My relationship with her is not the total cause of how I feel, but is was the catalyst for this post.

Sorry to hear your tribulation I lost my first love (wife)because of alcohol related and her feet could not stay at home. go missing for a day or two

Raising three daughters working in foundry 6 days a week. it began to show with our first born when she was two.. In and out of treatment centers.11 years.

I have re-married to a faithful wife 35 years. I hope you can remain friendly with your family. Lean on Christ. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. . be your own best friend. . .today