3 Thoughts About Submission in Marriage

[Chad]

I was working in my office with the TV on this past Friday when I heard an anchor passionately raising her voice. It turned out the all-women panel was discussing actress Candace Cameron Bure’s recent comments on HuffPost Live about her decision to live out biblical submission in her 17-year marriage to NHL hockey player Valeri Bure.

In her interview, Bure defined biblical submission as “meekness, not weakness” and “strength under control; bridled strength.” And while in her interview Bure assured she makes her opinions “very clear” to her husband, the anchor wasn’t convinced. In fact, she seemed to define submission as a wife blindly following her husband’s every capricious whim in a humiliating, subservient manner.

To be sure, I can understand how poorly the word “submission” can come across to those not familiar with a Bible-based worldview. The biblical concept of submission is easily lost in modern-day translation. To many outside the Christian faith, the marriage principles which Scripture teaches, and to which Mrs. Bure was alluding are at best outdated and at worst, foolish.



But missing from this latest controversy regarding biblical submission is a very important part of the story: what does the Bible say about the husband’s role in a marriage? The critics seem to take for granted that the Bible gives husbands a free pass at being unfair tyrants.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

There are at least three points about a husband’s role that critics should consider before dismissing what the Bible has to say about marriage.

1. God calls husbands to love, and live a life of continual sacrifice for, their wives.

In Ephesians 5:25-33, Scripture compares the love a husband should have for his wife to the love Christ showed the Church. For the husband, that means dying to self on a daily basis just as Jesus died for the Church. It’s a life of service to his wife, of tending to her needs and putting her in priority above all others.

2. Husbands must submit to God.

Jesus made it clear during His time on earth that He submitted to God the Father (John 5:19; John 6:38; John 14:31). In a similar fashion, husbands aren’t given the authority to unilaterally “rule” over their wives and households. They are to submit to the truths laid out in Scripture, which include principles like meekness, mercy, gentleness and self-denial.

As Paul wrote to the believers at Philippi, Christian husbands must “in humility count others” – starting with our wives – “more significant than yourselves” (2:3b).

3. A husband’s authority over his wife is not absolute.

Just like the husband ultimately submits to God, a wife must make her ultimate allegiance to God, too. This means that whatever leadership her husband extends over the home is limited to what is God-pleasing and good. In other words, if a husband wants his wife to do something that is clearly immoral or unethical, the wife can echo the words of Peter in Acts 5:29 when he said, “We must obey God rather than men.”

I recognize there are various reasons why this is such an explosive topic in the culture, including the fact that many husbands have not modeled the type of servant-leadership that Scripture commands. I hope that Christian husbands, myself [FLOAT-LEFT]

[/FLOAT-LEFT]included, will take this as something of a challenge. Let us demonstrate the type of self-sacrificial love that Jesus did to such an extent that someday those in the culture won’t automatically bristle at the biblical blueprint for marriage, but rather desire it for themselves.

by Jim Daly @ Focus on the Family

 

[Shutterbug]

Good morning Chad;

If I may, I'd like to add another subtle Biblical point which is rarely spoken of: those who are in charge, are also responsible for the welfare of those under their authority. Many don't like that type of responsibility while they love the perks of being in charge. In a perfect world ...
Cheers, John

 

[Fenn]

To be sure, I can understand how poorly the word “submission” can come across to those not familiar with a Bible-based worldview. The biblical concept of submission is easily lost in modern-day translation. To many outside the Christian faith, the marriage principles which Scripture teaches, and to which Mrs. Bure was alluding are at best outdated and at worst, foolish.

1 Corinthians 2
14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

We will face this judgement from all non-believers and even those who believe are subject to matters of pride and knowing better than God.

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

My wife and I are on our 17th yr plus .we both submit to God first and then each other ! It puts it all in perspective that way .we leave pride at the door and don't speak out of hurt feelings . ! ..We dont really ever fight but we do have heated theological discussions from time to time ....Rev

 

[shibby_gurl]

My wife and I are on our 17th yr plus .we both submit to God first and then each other ! It puts it all in perspective that way .we leave pride at the door and don't speak out of hurt feelings . ! ..We dont really ever fight but we do have heated theological discussions from time to time ....Rev

Well said! Personally, I don't like to use to the word "submission" along with "marriage" because it implies that one person is more important to the other. I like that Rev Perkins said (see underlined) though. In the end, love isn't about who is right or wrong, or who is submissive or who is dominant, or who wears the pants. These things are just mere labels. What is more important is when two people chose to manifest their live rather than by dominating the other or belittling oneself in a marriage just to fulfill some definition other than Christ's definition of love.

 

[Fenn]

Well said! Personally, I don't like to use to the word "submission" along with "marriage" because it implies that one person is more important to the other. I like that Rev Perkins said (see underlined) though. In the end, love isn't about who is right or wrong, or who is submissive or who is dominant, or who wears the pants. These things are just mere labels. What is more important is when two people chose to manifest their live rather than by dominating the other or belittling oneself in a marriage just to fulfill some definition other than Christ's definition of love.

I find this odd. The Bible uses the word submission along with marriage. The way I read it is not that one holds more importance, but one is the leader. We, husbands, are called to serve our wives as Christ served the Church. That is a big big requirement. Christ is our leader and yet He served us by sacrificing Himself for us. We are then called to submit and enjoy His leadership. There are many relationships that don't follow this and use the words in the Bible for their own gain. That is what should bother us.
I wish more Christians would not shy away from words that have controversial connotations, but instead use these words properly and give them proper definition through example. Christ would never call us to dominate another, nor belittle ourselves. We are called to be humble and meek, not self destructive. I only wish more would see it that way.

 

[kf_chris]

It seems that through the 'advancement' of society, pride got in the way. Judgement and pride are the anchors that many modern people put themselves up on, yet in the scripture we are specifiically warned against these ideas. It's not right that anyone should look at what 'your marriage is' in an interview, and the anchor on tv in the original post would have been better served to do just that, but tv anchors are often given freedom with the concept of possible apology later on (depending on the ratings and what the censors say).

Think out, not in! As men (husbands and fathers) we are to be a representitave of Christ to our family and a representitave of our family to Christ. One much wiser and more studied in the Word than I am wrote that. It's a tall order to fill, but for me so is keeping my cool and I pray for peace every day

 

[james1523]

Submission is an attitude. The Bible doesn't say a wife has to obey her husband, it says she should be submissive which is an attitude. A wife may disobey her husband but she should do it with a submissive attitude.

 

[EphremHagos]

If the indivisible unity between the spouses, a.k.a., the “image of God”, is mutually shared by the spouses, submission should be a pleasure rather than a bitter pill.

Although theologically incorrect, the image of God’s “life-giving Spirit” can be tracked all the way from the “tree that gives life” (Gen. 2:9), through the burning but unconsumed bush (Ex. 3: 1-15) to Christ’s death on the cross (Matt. 26: 62-64; 27: 50-56).

With Adam and Eve as our role models, we should have known better than to disobey God all over again!

I was working in my office with the TV on this past Friday when I heard an anchor passionately raising her voice. It turned out the all-women panel was discussing actress Candace Cameron Bure’s recent comments on HuffPost Live about her decision to live out biblical submission in her 17-year marriage to NHL hockey player Valeri Bure.

In her interview, Bure defined biblical submission as “meekness, not weakness” and “strength under control; bridled strength.” And while in her interview Bure assured she makes her opinions “very clear” to her husband, the anchor wasn’t convinced. In fact, she seemed to define submission as a wife blindly following her husband’s every capricious whim in a humiliating, subservient manner.

To be sure, I can understand how poorly the word “submission” can come across to those not familiar with a Bible-based worldview. The biblical concept of submission is easily lost in modern-day translation. To many outside the Christian faith, the marriage principles which Scripture teaches, and to which Mrs. Bure was alluding are at best outdated and at worst, foolish.



But missing from this latest controversy regarding biblical submission is a very important part of the story: what does the Bible say about the husband’s role in a marriage? The critics seem to take for granted that the Bible gives husbands a free pass at being unfair tyrants.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

There are at least three points about a husband’s role that critics should consider before dismissing what the Bible has to say about marriage.

1. God calls husbands to love, and live a life of continual sacrifice for, their wives.

In Ephesians 5:25-33, Scripture compares the love a husband should have for his wife to the love Christ showed the Church. For the husband, that means dying to self on a daily basis just as Jesus died for the Church. It’s a life of service to his wife, of tending to her needs and putting her in priority above all others.

2. Husbands must submit to God.

Jesus made it clear during His time on earth that He submitted to God the Father (John 5:19; John 6:38; John 14:31). In a similar fashion, husbands aren’t given the authority to unilaterally “rule” over their wives and households. They are to submit to the truths laid out in Scripture, which include principles like meekness, mercy, gentleness and self-denial.

As Paul wrote to the believers at Philippi, Christian husbands must “in humility count others” – starting with our wives – “more significant than yourselves” (2:3b).

3. A husband’s authority over his wife is not absolute.

Just like the husband ultimately submits to God, a wife must make her ultimate allegiance to God, too. This means that whatever leadership her husband extends over the home is limited to what is God-pleasing and good. In other words, if a husband wants his wife to do something that is clearly immoral or unethical, the wife can echo the words of Peter in Acts 5:29 when he said, “We must obey God rather than men.”

I recognize there are various reasons why this is such an explosive topic in the culture, including the fact that many husbands have not modeled the type of servant-leadership that Scripture commands. I hope that Christian husbands, myself [FLOAT-LEFT]

[/FLOAT-LEFT]included, will take this as something of a challenge. Let us demonstrate the type of self-sacrificial love that Jesus did to such an extent that someday those in the culture won’t automatically bristle at the biblical blueprint for marriage, but rather desire it for themselves.

by Jim Daly @ Focus on the Family

 

[Brad Huber]

Is it a bitter pill for any woman to submit to the Lord? Do you do everything He says always? Do you assume He will abuse His authority over you?

 

[Bambi]

3. A husband’s authority over his wife is not absolute.


Just like the husband ultimately submits to God, a wife must make her ultimate allegiance to God, too. This means that whatever leadership her husband extends over the home is limited to what is God-pleasing and good. In other words, if a husband wants his wife to do something that is clearly immoral or unethical, the wife can echo the words of Peter in Acts 5:29 when he said, “We must obey God rather than men.”

I'm going to get a lot of flak on this, I always do. But I don't believe you can use Acts 5:29 in this situation. In Ephesians it says the wife is supposed to be subject to her husband in everything. Also in 1 Peter it talks about how the wife can win her husband when he is doing wrong with a subjected spirit. If a wife doesn’t submit to a husband who is doing wrong then she will never win him. A disobedient husband knows that a wife is supposed to submit to her husband in everything and he will use that against her if she isn’t submissive. Just like a non-Christian seems to know how Christians are supposed to act. Are husbands supposed to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Yes, and wives are supposed to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Does Christ tell us to do something wrong, never, but there are two situations listed in the Bible that appears to be the opposite. When God told Abraham to kill Isaac and when God told Peter to eat the unclean animals. Sometimes we as women will think something is wrong and believe we shouldn't do it, but in the end it wasn't wrong.
God is in control he knows when a husband tells his wife to do something wrong. He also knows the heart of the wife. If a wife has a submissive heart I believe God will intervene. But if the wife doesn’t have a submissive heart I believe God will give her over to her sin. Romans chapter 1. This means she will not submit to her husband, which is a sin. And if she does obey him she will use that against God, “See, I shouldn't be obeying my Husband. Look what he made me do.” God can control heart of the husband, he can change his mind. God can control the heart of the king. Ps 21:1.


I do also believe there are situations, that can happen that would be a sin that when a wife obeys in these situations the punishment for these are placed on the husband not on the wife, Numbers 30.


Some people will bring up the situation with Ananias and Sapphira. Sapphira wasn't being submissive she was agreeing with her husband. There is a difference. I can disagree with my husband on things and still be submissive. But if I agree with my husband and do something wrong then I can see God's punishment placed on my husband and myself, but not God's punishment on both of us when I disagree with my husband, and I'm still submissive.


Another example is Abigail and Nabal. Nabal never told Abigail not to feed David and his men. Although you could say indirectly he did through his servants. And even if you say he did, her goal was to save her husband. Well she didn't save her husband, did she?


It's hard I know to submit to something that you disagree with. I struggle everyday to submit to my husband. But in the end I know it's what I must do. Remember our Heavenly Father is there for us. If we ask him he will not allow us to fall into sin.






Ephesians 5:23-25
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

1 Peter 3:1-3
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;




Proverbs 21:1 The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.


Matthew 7:8-10 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? 10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?


1 Corin 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

 

[Some Wisdom]

While I admittedly have no proof one way or the other, it would not surprise me to discover that far fewer brides these days promise to "obey" their husbands that was the case 60 years ago. In fact, brides promising to "obey" can only be traced back to medieval Europe. Centuries later, the promise became famously enshrined in the early 20th century Book of Common Prayer.

The word "obey" is important because, meaning to comply or conform, it is symbolic of submission.

That said, two things are for sure when it comes to the concept of Biblical submission. One is that the working definition of wifely submission has changed over time. The other is that the definition of submission is not the same across the broad spectrum of Christianity.

It is also worth pointing out that the Bible is a patriarchal book. All of the principal figures, including God, are males. As early as Genesis, God is quoted as telling Eve, and thus women, that her husband would rule over her!

With relatively few exceptions since God brought-forth woman from the side of man, women in the Bible played subordinate roles. The status of women was such that the Bible actually sanctions the rape of spoils of war virgins!

Rather obviously, a lot of things have changed since the days of the Ancient Hebrews. In many instances, women these days either choose to cohabitate (with apologies to grammar-nazis) or remain single. Even when women do marry, they tend to do so later in life and are far more likely than men to file for divorce. At the same time, divorce rates have spiraled to highs that would have scandalized churches a century ago.

Although once considered the norm, census records show that married with children has become an endangered species. Alternative families are rapidly becoming the norm. Single with child(ren) is socially acceptable. Ministries devoted to single parents have flourished for the past 40 years.

Like it or not, because marriage is in trouble, churches are having to adapt old ideas to new realities. Even excluding the divorced from remarriage fell by the wayside decades ago.

The idea of biblical submission is merely one of the adaptations facing the church. How it will play out remains to be seen.

 

[rodd]

The media facilitates the feminist movement in modern society, the people are brainwashed, it caused the failure of many Christian marriages.
Created competition within the marriage, great work of the devil that one.

 

[Some Wisdom]

The media facilitates the feminist movement in modern society, the people are brainwashed, it caused the failure of many Christian marriages.
Created competition within the marriage, great work of the devil that one.

While it is fashionable to blame media for a host of ills in society, media are seldom sole causal agents. For one thing, media are divided. Some outlets tend to be more conservative than others. There are war hawks and there are pacifists.

The history of feminism reveals it was a spinoff of the mid-19th century abolitionist movement. In other words, the mothers of feminism were abolitionists before becoming feminists. This explains why the status of married women was and still is often compared to slaves in feminist literature.

Feminism was also largely a reaction to perceived patriarchal excesses during the Victorian era. Women couldn't vote, couldn't own property, and had limited standing before the law. Husbands virtually owned the bodies of their wives. Obtaining a divorce was difficult. Early feminism sought to level the playing field.

At the same time, feminism became a quasi-religion. Its tenets became a statement of faith for many women. Some of these women were misandric. Quite literally, they hated men!

The early 20th century prohibition of alcohol may rival giving women the right to vote in spreading feminism. Saloons were no longer exclusively male. Women began drinking booze along side men in illicit speakeasies. They began smoking cigarettes and, in general, began behaving more like men.

Another major change occurred when women began doing the work of men during World War II. With men overseas, women became welders. Some even ferried military aircraft from manufacturing plants to points of departure to theaters of war.

Although largely forgotten these days, the National Defense Education Act of 1958 (pass by Congress in a knee-jerk Cold War reaction to the Soviet launch of the Sputnik satellite) encouraged women to go to college instead of getting married.

As with many things, once the proverbial genie was out of the bottle, it became impossible to put it back in again. Many churches are still scrambling to adapt to changes societal attitudes toward women evolving over the past century. Perhaps, as much as anything, media are merely chroniclers of those changes.

 

[LoveStory]

There are 3 types of men in the world: men that are ruled by women and know it, men that are ruled by women and don’t know it, and bachelors!! Laugh!

On a serious note, the way I see the male/female dynamic works best is old-fashioned and Texas-style: man is the head, woman is the heart, and the head [of a good man] is moved by his heart [his wife].

Men are wonderful creatures. ♥

 

[rodd]

Some Wisdom.

It should be fashionable to blame the media in today's society. Afterall, they're the ones that influence social change, homosexuality for example. I place the responsibility of forcing social acceptance of that squarely at their doorstep.

 

[Some Wisdom]

Maybe I Ought to Tell My Wife!

There are 3 types of men in the world: men that are ruled by women and know it, men that are ruled by women and don’t know it, and bachelors!! Laugh!

On a serious note, the way I see the male/female dynamic works best is old-fashioned and Texas-style: man is the head, woman is the heart, and the head [of a good man] is moved by his heart [his wife].

Men are wonderful creatures. ♥

I agree; men are wonderful. Just ask one!

Then, as I advised our daughter decades ago: Beware of male egos.

After being married to my first wife for almost half a century, I've concluded that a wife expects two things from her husband. One is to still be able to be the boyfriend who'll still take her out on a date, open doors, and still be madly in love with her. The other is to be the father she either had or wish she'd had.

Over time, I've also discovered that a woman will tell a man how to handle her. The problem is that far too many men don't bother to listen to what a woman is really saying.

By the way, many bachelors I've known were ruled by women. Sometimes, it was by memories of their mothers!

 

[Some Wisdom]

What Causes Homosexuality?

Some Wisdom.

It should be fashionable to blame the media in today's society. Afterall, they're the ones that influence social change, homosexuality for example. I place the responsibility of forcing social acceptance of that squarely at their doorstep.

Homosexuality existed before the era of mass media. Once again, as is the case with feminism, not all media is on the same page when it comes to endorsing gay marriage and other forms of homosexuality.

Nor is homosexuality by any means exclusively human. Research suggests that perhaps eight percent of males in one species of ram are more attracted to other males than to females. Why? I'm not sure anyone knows.

Strictly speaking, most preteen human beings are homosexual. Around the time boys and girls are in late elementary school, they tend to prefer the company of members of the same sex to members of the opposite sex. For most people, this same-sex attraction ends with the onset of puberty. On the other hand, for whatever reasons, some people don't seem to get beyond being attracted to the same sex.

Another problem is that many chemicals used in food products tend to mimic the female hormone estrogen when absorbed into the human body. Among them are animal growth hormones and an additive that keeps plastic packaging from becoming brittle. If boys get too much of this stuff in their systems, it can produce changes such as reduced ***** count.

 

[EphremHagos]

Parallel to the healing in "a bitter pill", one can see the vision of God on "the hard way and narrow gate to life" if one submits to a radical change in his/her way of thinking relative to "Christ's death on the cross". (Matt. 7: 13-14; 16: 13-28; 26: 62-64; 27: 50-56)

Is it a bitter pill for any woman to submit to the Lord? Do you do everything He says always? Do you assume He will abuse His authority over you?

 

[c_scherer123]

It can be a bitter pill. No human walking around is perfect, we all make mistakes and some even turn away from God. Following God can hurt at times, even though in the end it is better for us. Quite often, simply figuring out which route God may want us to take can require a heart-felt prayer that revolves around "HELP!". Having made these prayers numerous times and having God answer them almost every time (at least in a way that I could see) has lead me down some paths I otherwise would not have walked.

As a 25 year old female who been looking for a partner who truly follows Jesus, I can tell you it has been long and lonely road for many years. I am always amazed at the number of people who think they are Christians just because their parents went to church...
As a lone Christian in a large family of non-believers, I can see the two paths quite clearly. In this day and age, I can say I am afraid that I will marry someone who is a Christian, but who will fall away from God. I have seen that happen several times. Yet in my Church there are couples who have been through thick and thin, loving each other and trying to follow God.

So many non-believers seem to be self-centered (I want this or that) with almost no thought about their partner first, and seem to think "well, if he/she doesn't like it - too bad". As Christians, we are called to love one another first, and then think about ourselves - I am sure many Christians have difficulty maintaining this way of thought quite frequently, I know I do.

I will continue asking God to help me find the road that He wants me to walk down. I was forewarned that the road would be narrow and hard to follow - that in itself can be difficult as many people sometimes just want the easiest path of least resistance.