I don't care what web the Calvinist may want to spin on this: Love is absent without free and unfettered CHOICE. We are sovereign to choose.
So a parent which stops their young child cross a busy road by their own is not a loving parent? Afterall, the child is sovereign to choose. Letting people do what they like, is not love. That is no love at all. Love sets boundaries, and even stops us from making choices that might be bad for us.
Jesus Himself did not have free choice, or free speech, He was not a free agent, He only did the Father's will, and spoke what the Father said:
Jn 12:49-50 "For I have not spoken of myself; but the Father which sent me, he gave me a commandment, what I should say, and what I should speak."
Being a Christian, is all about denying our self, and denying our self includes denying our "right to choose".
See, this is where I will disagree. The ONLY way LOVE can fit into the picture is if there is CHOICE. I'm talking free choice. Free will. Free wheelin'. Do what you want. Whatever that looks like. You may see love. You may find love. You may not. You may die in hate. You may die in bliss having found love abounding.
You have described the life of a person who does not have Christ on the throne of their heart. "Do what you want" - is the self on the throne. It is like a wild stallion. But if Christ is on the throne of our heart, we would do what Christ wants, just as He only did what the Father wanted.
If we have the living God inside of us, He directs our steps and orders our environment (Prov 16:9).
Prov 16:9 We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.
Prov. 16:33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its
every decision is from the LORD
A slave of Christ does not mean we can "do what we want", and this implies we do not have free choice:
1 Cor 7:22 "And remember, if you were a slave when the Lord called you, you are now free in the Lord. And if you were free when the Lord called you,
you are now a slave of Christ."
But God in His sovereignty sets boundaries around our decisions. When we open the fridge to get a meal we can only choose to eat what is in the refrigerator. Our choice is free yet also limited. Our choices are governed by our nature. A dog cannot choose to be a cat, and if it acts like a cat it will be something it is not, that is, a hypocrite.
Sinners make most choices according to their nature, and so do good and evil and godly men.
Calvinism does not deny free choice but understands that choices are limited by our own nature and our environment, which is ultimately not from ourselves but from God.
If you can credit to yourself, any of the steps which led to you choosing Christ , then by all means, credit is due to your free choice, but if you cannot, then only God can get the glory. There would have been people praying for you, and the Bible says the Spirit helps us in our prayers, and God would have arranged all the circumstances and people in your life so you could hear the Gospel and be saved. God did all this before you could choose Him, and therefore He prearranged, even predestined your salvation. Just like the color of our hair and skin was already determined by God, not my 'free choice', how much more does God arrange the more important things such as our salvation.