Fear of abandonment

[Brad Huber]

People are at different levels of growth and spiritual conviction. Its very hard to change everything about ourselves in a week or a month or even a year. Often the Holy Spirit will convict us of just a couple of things at a time to change instead of everything. Many christians will want you to be perfect as Christ was perfect, and you SHOULD seek this, but going cold turkey on everything you did before (your boyfriend is probably correct about most of that stuff and you should perhaps think about replacing some of those things with something else), often just makes people reject it all. If you want to keep your boyfriend, you must at least not involve him in things that he is uncomfortable with. And understand you may have to give it all up, Jesus gave it all up for us. But work first on that which you are most convicted on, explain to your boyfriend that you are not at his level, and to be patient with those who are weak, let him know what you "are" going to work on, and ask him to help you with that/those few things to keep him involved with you in a spiritual way. Then let him know that you will work on changing as the Holy Spirit convicts you. But understand that he is probably right about most of those things harming you spiritually, and harming him also if he partakes in it or watches you doing it. Thats just the way it is. It hurts those of us who are at a higher spiritual level to watch those we love deeply prefering to stay and not wanting to increase their faith and spiritual purity.

My wife is a believer but her faith in many things is at a whole level lower than mine. She has very few spiritual gifts, and has little desire to increase them. She is lacking discernment in what is bad for her and what is good sometimes. It makes me sad sometimes, but I fall back on the two of us being one, and the Lord will not punish her/me as long as I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.... AND seek to please the Lord in all I do. I trust the Holy Spirit to work in her over time, and I can see the slow transformation for the better in her, but its very slow and if I try to push her along, she only digs in her claws or goes backward. I have to trust the Holy Spirit to work in her and in me in my words and actions toward her.

 

[KittyLinda]

Hi Kitty,

Ooh dear, a bump in the road?

With regards to the drugs which are prescribed by your GP, if they're doing what they're designed to do, where's the problem? I'm not saying there isn't one - all drugs have side effects and downsides that may, or may not outweigh the benefits they bring. Maybe this is a conversation you need to have with your GP, with or without your bf - but please, please do not go cold turkey, the consequences are likely to do more harm than good

I found the rest of your post quite disturbing, from what you've written it seems he loves not so much you, rather what he can change you into. That's controlling behaviour, not scriptural, because that's the job of the Holy Spirit rather than your bf. Yes together you can explore the will of God in both of your lives but he should not be giving to you a list thou shalts and thou shalt nots. Long time ago God gave us a list of rules and regulations called commandments but sadly, they didn't work, we couldn't keep them. So instead He sent His Son to die to save us from our sins and then gave us the Holy Spirit to make us more pure, more holy and more Christlike. We follow God's will, not for fear of consequence but more for love of Him.

Your boyfriend needs to have a really good long think about whether he loves you or rather what he wants to mold you into. The latter isn't going to work; there'll be a constant battle of wills.

Read Ephesians 5:25-33 together and discuss and apply. I know you're not married but it's an absolutely amazing template to base any romantic relationship on. Follow it and you will both blossom, stray and the relationship will hit the rocks sooner or later.

Neither of you need to wear a habit, carry rosary beads or chant. There's no rules and regulations other than to love each other, we follow Christ and we try to delight and please God because we love Him and seek His pleasure.

I do not think of it as a controlling behavior, because he told me that we can't change our partners, and that whatever change has to come from God himself, but we agreed that we should have boundaries. We agreed to state our opinions, share our thoughts, and that we must listen, and recognize the voice of the Holy Spirit, and I felt the Spirit convicts me to change, after he told me his worries. Many times he placed his hand on my head, and prayed for me, and I was emotionally and spiritually charged. I've witnessed the power of the Holy Spirit, and God is using this man to bring me closer to him, even if this relationship eventually does not last long like nearly all my previous ones, and this what scares me the most.

I prayed for a godly man, and I just found this man who is so very lovely, kind and charming. I am just noticing this gap more now, and Satan will try to use this to set us apart. I have been fighting this anxiety for months now, and I honestly feel like the devil will keep coming after me for some reasons, and I am not sure if my bf should go through dark times, only because I am facing the consequences of past sins. I just know I have to give up using these drugs, or this relationship will suffer and end, but then I also know how ugly that will turn because I function better with them. Yes, they are prescribed. It is a medically-supervised psychedelic therapy, but I have access to other psychedelics that were not prescribed. It is also addiction, but it is nowhere like it used to be. Before I've used them 24/7 pretty much. I only use little now on rare occasions.

God bless.

 

[KittyLinda]

People are at different levels of growth and spiritual conviction. Its very hard to change everything about ourselves in a week or a month or even a year. Often the Holy Spirit will convict us of just a couple of things at a time to change instead of everything. Many christians will want you to be perfect as Christ was perfect, and you SHOULD seek this, but going cold turkey on everything you did before (your boyfriend is probably correct about most of that stuff and you should perhaps think about replacing some of those things with something else), often just makes people reject it all. If you want to keep your boyfriend, you must at least not involve him in things that he is uncomfortable with. And understand you may have to give it all up, Jesus gave it all up for us. But work first on that which you are most convicted on, explain to your boyfriend that you are not at his level, and to be patient with those who are weak, let him know what you "are" going to work on, and ask him to help you with that/those few things to keep him involved with you in a spiritual way. Then let him know that you will work on changing as the Holy Spirit convicts you. But understand that he is probably right about most of those things harming you spiritually, and harming him also if he partakes in it or watches you doing it. Thats just the way it is. It hurts those of us who are at a higher spiritual level to watch those we love deeply prefering to stay and not wanting to increase their faith and spiritual purity.

My wife is a believer but her faith in many things is at a whole level lower than mine. She has very few spiritual gifts, and has little desire to increase them. She is lacking discernment in what is bad for her and what is good sometimes. It makes me sad sometimes, but I fall back on the two of us being one, and the Lord will not punish her/me as long as I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.... AND seek to please the Lord in all I do. I trust the Holy Spirit to work in her over time, and I can see the slow transformation for the better in her, but its very slow and if I try to push her along, she only digs in her claws or goes backward. I have to trust the Holy Spirit to work in her and in me in my words and actions toward her.

I do not mind giving up all these things he hates, but I am not giving up friends. I feel alone when he makes excuses, because he does not like my friends. I do not think it is a sin to have a drink, and be sociable, and my friends are good people actually. They might be non-Christians, but I really do not care. I do not feel convicted about this. That just feels like things cults may do, and even Jesus did not do that, and he is God.

God bless,

 

[Brad Huber]

I do not mind giving up all these things he hates, but I am not giving up friends. I feel alone when he makes excuses, because he does not like my friends. I do not think it is a sin to have a drink, and be sociable, and my friends are good people actually. They might be non-Christians, but I really do not care. I do not feel convicted about this. That just feels like things cults may do, and even Jesus did not do that, and he is God.

God bless,

As far as friends go, you should "only" give them up, if they fall under a certain situation. God often uses old friendships using someone who has new life in Christ as a witness to those friends and possibly bring them to Christ also. And if you love them, you would want them around for eternity with you.
The main reason you might have to give them or at least some of them up as friends, is that if they drag "you" back into actions or thoughts that you KNOW is sinful and that they are corrupting you with you wanting to be more like them. It happens with a lot of people, and its why God in the old testament tells the Israelites to have no association with their sinful neighbor nation ppl. Those other peoples lives revolved around something that draws them further away from God, and God knows that bad company often drags us spiritually down with them.

 

[KittyLinda]

As far as friends go, you should "only" give them up, if they fall under a certain situation. God often uses old friendships using someone who has new life in Christ as a witness to those friends and possibly bring them to Christ also. And if you love them, you would want them around for eternity with you.
The main reason you might have to give them or at least some of them up as friends, is that if they drag "you" back into actions or thoughts that you KNOW is sinful and that they are corrupting you with you wanting to be more like them. It happens with a lot of people, and its why God in the old testament tells the Israelites to have no association with their sinful neighbor nation ppl. Those other peoples lives revolved around something that draws them further away from God, and God knows that bad company often drags us spiritually down with them.

Wow. This is hard, but I am going to vent my frustration.

You're not wrong, but my friends are not like that at all, and they have seen my life before, and after I became a born again Christian. They are actually happy that my faith is the reason why I am now a stable person, and not in prison, or a psychiatric hospital again. Those are the only people who accepted a self-destructive person. I did a lot of the self-harm things and the drugs. Those friends tried to support me and help and be there, despite what they have seen.

I have some Christian friends now, but they do not know much about my past, or what I struggled with. I fear judgment and I am always anxious around Christians, so I like to keep it in a box, especially this thing about being gay, and I heard enough of the bigoty, hate, and ignorance, and I found that I can't tolerate it for too long. This is so hard for me to say, even on these forums, but I had many relationships that did not last beyond a few weeks. My therapist took her nearly a year to just help me accept the 'fact' that these were just sexual encounters. Many of these were not even with the opposite sex. I have a chronic unstable sense of identity. Basically, this means I do not get to decide what kind of friends I can have. I do not get to decide not to have attraction to both sexes. Even after becoming a born again Christian, I am still attracted more to women than men but I do not act on it anymore. I do not meet a lot of Christians who can understand that I have a disorder. They often just point to the sin, and make me feel guilty. It's why I am far more comfortable around non-Christian friends, but it does not have to be like this.

 

[Brad Huber]

Wow. This is hard, but I am going to vent my frustration.

You're not wrong, but my friends are not like that at all, and they have seen my life before, and after I became a born again Christian. They are actually happy that my faith is the reason why I am now a stable person, and not in prison, or a psychiatric hospital again. Those are the only people who accepted a self-destructive person. I did a lot of the self-harm things and the drugs. Those friends tried to support me and help and be there, despite what they have seen.

I have some Christian friends now, but they do not know much about my past, or what I struggled with. I fear judgment and I am always anxious around Christians, so I like to keep it in a box, especially this thing about being gay, and I heard enough of the bigoty, hate, and ignorance, and I found that I can't tolerate it for too long. This is so hard for me to say, even on these forums, but I had many relationships that did not last beyond a few weeks. My therapist took her nearly a year to just help me accept the 'fact' that these were just sexual encounters. Many of these were not even with the opposite sex. I have a chronic unstable sense of identity. Basically, this means I do not get to decide what kind of friends I can have. I do not get to decide not to have attraction to both sexes. Even after becoming a born again Christian, I am still attracted more to women than men but I do not act on it anymore. I do not meet a lot of Christians who can understand that I have a disorder. They often just point to the sin, and make me feel guilty. It's why I am far more comfortable around non-Christian friends, but it does not have to be like this.

I am glad that your friends are not like that. Yet remember that your friends accept you with your "problems" because they have problems as well, and that as long as you arent dangerous to those around you, they feel you fit in with them and you feel "at home" with them. Acceptance is a powerful drug to our minds. I want to be acceptable to God not just in faith but in action, and its a powerful attraction that sends me in a good way, while still wanting to be friends with people who are either non christians or christians in name only. The difference between the 2 is that I would drop the worldly friends like a hot potato if I had to (hope I dont, I like them), but I would never drop God, and God is not some church or judgemental christians, He is God. He accepted me with my faults, never forget that you dont need accept all judgements coming to you from other christians or christians in name only. I dont accept the judgements of others unless the Holy Spirit convicts me of those things whether from what I read in scripture, or however I come across some conviction. I can still love those christians even though sometimes its hard, just like I can still love my worldly friends even though sometimes thats hard also.

Remember that no matter what others tell you, be it christians, or worldly people, you always have a "choice" to accept what they say as valid or not valid, or unsure, and then seek out the truth of the matter. And the truth is can be found by searching out scriptures yourself and talking to God. Dont use acceptance of people as any yardstick of whether they truly care about you as only God can. I only accept that a criticism someone lays on me as possibly valid "if" it seems they truly care about me. Even if they do care about me, it still doesnt mean its true, only that it may likely be true and needs to be searched out.

 

[KittyLinda]

I am glad that your friends are not like that. Yet remember that your friends accept you with your "problems" because they have problems as well, and that as long as you arent dangerous to those around you, they feel you fit in with them and you feel "at home" with them.

I told my bf that he can tell me, if there is something he does not like from my friends, and he said nothing, or very little about it. I lost some friends over the breakup with my ex. My closest friends are very friendly and loving. One of best friends, I've met her on an online game. She is 5 years younger than me, and spends most of her free time streaming FINAL FANTASY XIV Online on a twitch, and she believes she is a bunny in a different world. Does it sound like someone who will corrupt anyone at all?

I also do not agree with this approach. We are all responsible for our actions, and can't blame others around us. I have a very close friend who is a practicing wiccan, and my bf has seen how I tell her all the time that she needs to repent, and stay away from these demons, and witchcraft, but I only can tell this friend this, because we have formed a friendship over many years, and I know she can take this with a smile. She says she believes and loves Jesus, so she made it easier for me and my bf to talk about our faith. My boyfriend actually said nice things about her and I even told my boyfriend how he himself can go ahead and tell my friends all the things he does not like from them, if it got to that point, with the exception of not crossing the boundary about my gay friends.

My closest and dearest friends are gay women who are happily married now for 4 years. I am not a straight woman myself, and if he wants to be with me, then this is the only conversation that I can't allow it happening ever, or he has to go. This is why I lost all my Christian friends in the past. They did not approve of my gay marriage, and I got rid of them all. No regrets even today. Only one Christian friend who did not give up on me, and that happened to be our assistant-pastor. We only talked last year actually.

Also, I am going to mention this again. God wants me to be in a 'straight' relationship. I am not saying being in a gay relationship is not a sin. I just happened to believe that the bible is silent on this and we do not know. It is also not a subject that I can talk about without touching on old wounds that have not been healed yet.

That being said, my boyfriend is more concerned about the drugs, and how I spend my money on things. He was in awe when he saw my place. It is true that I spend a lot on stuff, jewelry, cloths, and I care about being fashionable. I can't stand wearing the same dress for an event, or some dates, and I am very very conscious about how I look and dress. I am a photographer. I work at a studio with cameras all the time, so I guess it is something we need to figure out how to balance it, because I have insecurities. We got in this recent conflict, because I bought him something I believed it was very elegant for his birthday, but then I bought it again, because I found the right color, and he got so upset.

God bless.

 

[Andyindauk]

Also, I am going to mention this again. God wants me to be in a 'straight' relationship. I am not saying being in a gay relationship is not a sin. I just happened to believe that the bible is silent on this and we do not know. It is also not a subject that I can talk about without touching on old wounds that have not been healed yet.

That being said, my boyfriend is more concerned about the drugs, and how I spend my money on things. He was in awe when he saw my place. It is true that I spend a lot on stuff, jewelry, cloths, and I care about being fashionable. I can't stand wearing the same dress for an event, or some dates, and I am very very conscious about how I look and dress. I am a photographer. I work at a studio with cameras all the time, so I guess it is something we need to figure out how to balance it, because I have insecurities. We got in this recent conflict, because I bought him something I believed it was very elegant for his birthday, but then I bought it again, because I found the right color, and he got so upset.

God bless.

Hi Kitty,

I don't do flattery and this isn't, but can I say that I find in you an amazing woman that's had and got many difficult cards in her hand and you play them supremely well with wisdom and confidence that belies you. I've got a strong suspicion that that could well be the Holy Spirit guiding and leading.

A couple points I want to take up from your last post. You say on the question of gay relationships, the Bible is silent on this. I agree that the Bible is silent when it comes to the unbelieving gay, their sexuality just isn't the issue, it's their sinful nature. Jesus didn't say to an adulteress, jack your boyfriend in; no he said John 8:11. However there's dozens of Old and New Testament passages and verses that tell us that God finds gay sex totally unpalatable: does that make God homophobic? Not at all, the definition of phobic is an irrational fear - there's nothing irrational about God. God, in the Bible is telling His disciples that He hates gay sex, adultery, prostitution and even sex outside of marriage. So to the gay, God's wants celibacy and for the bi He wants straight sex and for the straight He wants us to respect and abide by His wishes. Note, that there's nowhere in the New Testament that classifies these issues as rules, regulations or laws; they're not. We are definitely saved through God's grace rather than anything we have done or not done. However, when we do indulge, we're saying to God: 'I don't care, I'm not interested in what you want, this is what I want and this is what I'm going to do - like it or lump it!' We're talking like that to the God who spared not His only son to rescue us from an unthinkable inevitable caused by sins like that. I'd ask, if we really, truly love Him - how could we be like that towards Him? So to your gay believing friends, you have to wonder, do they really know and love God? I'm not judging them, I've indulged, more than once. That said I applaud your choice of keeping to straight and I like your attitude towards your believing gay friends of maintaining friendship, just be very careful about compromise, rather seek God's will and delight.

With regards to your spending on things, I'd ask, why not? It's your money, you've worked hard so if you see clothes, gadgets, furnishings you like and can afford to buy, then why not? God loves you, He wants you to be happy and delighted because He loves you. I'm pretty sure God does not want us all to live a life of penitence like 13th century monks. That said, why not spend more than a little on God? I've met a couple of friends here on TJ that live in third world countries that I've become really good friends with and I support the work that they're doing with a monthly gift. It's not mega-bucks but it's transformed their quite meagre situations so that they can focus on their outreach. They think I'm wonderful but I'm far from it, all I'm doing is sharing a few of God's blessings. So a suggestion - if you really love God, why not treat Him every now and again?

May God bless, protect, keep and bless you dear sister

 

[KittyLinda]

Hi Kitty,

I don't do flattery and this isn't, but can I say that I find in you an amazing woman that's had and got many difficult cards in her hand and you play them supremely well with wisdom and confidence that belies you. I've got a strong suspicion that that could well be the Holy Spirit guiding and leading.

A couple points I want to take up from your last post. You say on the question of gay relationships, the Bible is silent on this. I agree that the Bible is silent when it comes to the unbelieving gay, their sexuality just isn't the issue, it's their sinful nature. Jesus didn't say to an adulteress, jack your boyfriend in; no he said John 8:11. However there's dozens of Old and New Testament passages and verses that tell us that God finds gay sex totally unpalatable: does that make God homophobic? Not at all, the definition of phobic is an irrational fear - there's nothing irrational about God. God, in the Bible is telling His disciples that He hates gay sex, adultery, prostitution and even sex outside of marriage. So to the gay, God's wants celibacy and for the bi He wants straight sex and for the straight He wants us to respect and abide by His wishes. Note, that there's nowhere in the New Testament that classifies these issues as rules, regulations or laws; they're not. We are definitely saved through God's grace rather than anything we have done or not done. However, when we do indulge, we're saying to God: 'I don't care, I'm not interested in what you want, this is what I want and this is what I'm going to do - like it or lump it!' We're talking like that to the God who spared not His only son to rescue us from an unthinkable inevitable caused by sins like that. I'd ask, if we really, truly love Him - how could we be like that towards Him? So to your gay believing friends, you have to wonder, do they really know and love God? I'm not judging them, I've indulged, more than once. That said I applaud your choice of keeping to straight and I like your attitude towards your believing gay friends of maintaining friendship, just be very careful about compromise, rather seek God's will and delight.

With regards to your spending on things, I'd ask, why not? It's your money, you've worked hard so if you see clothes, gadgets, furnishings you like and can afford to buy, then why not? God loves you, He wants you to be happy and delighted because He loves you. I'm pretty sure God does not want us all to live a life of penitence like 13th century monks. That said, why not spend more than a little on God? I've met a couple of friends here on TJ that live in third world countries that I've become really good friends with and I support the work that they're doing with a monthly gift. It's not mega-bucks but it's transformed their quite meagre situations so that they can focus on their outreach. They think I'm wonderful but I'm far from it, all I'm doing is sharing a few of God's blessings. So a suggestion - if you really love God, why not treat Him every now and again?

May God bless, protect, keep and bless you dear sister

Only the Holy Spirit has the power to make the changes that God wants to make in us. I am not going to tell my friends how they should live. I feel very tempted sometimes hanging up with gay women, but I do not act on it. I know God desires for me to either stay single, or marry a Christian man, even though I am far more gay than straight.

I notice the imbalance in lesbian relationships. Even though men are usually kinder and more caring towards me, but I found it so difficult to date men in the past. I've always desired intimacy with women. This gradually changed, and now I have a child, but that does not make me 'less gay' than anyone, only because I cam usually put into the 'bi' category.

Being a born again Christian, the Holy Spirit led me to change. My previous relationship ended because I valued my faith more than my ex. I wanted to obey God, so I told him that we can't have the sex anymore. I also loved him. He is the father of my child, so I was not ready to end it, but one day I experienced what people call a crisis of faith. I had to make a choice; this man or God, and only then I just realized why I have to let it go, and it was not easy. If I have to do that, and lose all those gay or unbelieving friends, then I'll do it all over again, but it did not get to that.

Also, I can't say that I agree with you that God says it is unpalatable. The context is important. The bible does not record any gay marriage, or any loving gay relationship. It was not very common in the Jewish tradition or culture. God only mentioned pagan practices, which were done by straight people, contrary to their nature. The bible mentioned abuse and lust in these acts. That is not a gay relationship to begin with, at least not a loving one.

There is a gentle whisper coming from the Holy Spirit telling me this is not what God desires for me, and I followed that sound. I also listen to the elders in my church, and I know they do not approve of it. We are told in the bible to listen to them. My boyfriend believes it to be a sin, and that is fine. I just can't stand debating this with Christians. It effects my mental health a lot and I do not want to be depressed. This always gives the devil a chance to attack me, and for the most part, there are only few people who I even want them to know about my struggle with homosexuality.

 

[KittyLinda]

With regards to your spending on things, I'd ask, why not? It's your money, you've worked hard so if you see clothes, gadgets, furnishings you like and can afford to buy, then why not? God loves you, He wants you to be happy and delighted because He loves you. I'm pretty sure God does not want us all to live a life of penitence like 13th century monks. That said, why not spend more than a little on God? I've met a couple of friends here on TJ that live in third world countries that I've become really good friends with and I support the work that they're doing with a monthly gift. It's not mega-bucks but it's transformed their quite meagre situations so that they can focus on their outreach. They think I'm wonderful but I'm far from it, all I'm doing is sharing a few of God's blessings. So a suggestion - if you really love God, why not treat Him every now and again?

May God bless, protect, keep and bless you dear sister

I probably spend a lot on things, especially clothes and furniture, but I am financially secure, and I can afford it. He said divorce rate is so high here, due to financial issues, or financial disagreements. I donate monthly to children. Yes. It's my money, but it does not work that way. He's so very unhappy about it, so we need to talk more about this.

Thank you. God bless.

 

[KittyLinda]

That said I applaud your choice of keeping to straight and I like your attitude towards your believing gay friends of maintaining friendship, just be very careful about compromise, rather seek God's will and delight.

That side discussion about homosexuality made me a bit depressed the other day.

but I prayed about this, and I think what you said is actually not wrong. If God says it is not ok, then who am I to say differently? but I am not the best person to approach my friends regarding sexuality. I am now a born again Christian for just a year, I think. I am honoring God in this relationship, but I did not for over 8 years, and I can't say that I do not miss the sex, but it does not matter, because I am now a changed person, and I fight these temptations, but I am not qualified to tell my friends, or anyone how to be celibate. It is just my past, and that would make me look like a hypocrite. My friends who are not even Christians hated how I was doing drugs, and jumping from a relationship to another. Actually, lots of them were not even 'relationships...'

I just know what it is now, and I did not know before. It is now treatable, and under control, but it came way later after a pregnancy, and after being imprisoned few times. It is called sexual impulsivity and it is related to my disorder. I am sorry, but many Christians just see sin, and nothing more. Most Christians I know almost never have had sex before marriage. They knew God, and walked with him all the way, so they can't understand what I went through. It's almost pointless to try.

I actually was asked about this when I got baptized last year. I told my gay friends what I just said here that God does not want me in a gay relationship, but I am not going to judge, or tell people how they live, if they have not heard the same message from God; but the bible says absolutely nothing about gay marriage. So, I am being neutral about it. Funny thing, I've been abused at the hands of women in relationships more than I can count, but I am not even going to talk about this, because I also get attacked by people from the LGBTQ for just being a Christian. I also suffer the same from Christians. I've heard Christians say that if you are gay, then you are going to hell. How about those who have same-sex attraction, but they do not act on it anymore?

 

[Brad Huber]

Having desire to have sex outside of marriage "regardless" of straight or gay is pretty normal. We are sexual beings and "want" to be fulfilled in that way. But its not that much different than our other desires that are "pleasure to self" desires. For some its a desire for sex, others, a desire to look good and be desired by others. For others, it can be gambling, for others, its getting high and focusing on the "feelings" that accompany getting high, whether it be alcohol, weed, or other drugs. They are all desires that revolve around pleasing self.

God tells us to take our focus off self so much. God tells us their is danger in living for self, and to have one intimate partner with the purpose of having children and having fun while making them. Then to raise those children to be good adults that love God as well. Avoiding living for self and gaining more joy as we only take care of ourselves and spend more time helping others.

Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and spirit, and to love your neighbor as yourself, this should be our goal in life.

 

[KittyLinda]

Having desire to have sex outside of marriage "regardless" of straight or gay is pretty normal. We are sexual beings and "want" to be fulfilled in that way. But its not that much different than our other desires that are "pleasure to self" desires. For some its a desire for sex, others, a desire to look good and be desired by others. For others, it can be gambling, for others, its getting high and focusing on the "feelings" that accompany getting high, whether it be alcohol, weed, or other drugs. They are all desires that revolve around pleasing self.

God tells us to take our focus off self so much. God tells us their is danger in living for self, and to have one intimate partner with the purpose of having children and having fun while making them. Then to raise those children to be good adults that love God as well. Avoiding living for self and gaining more joy as we only take care of ourselves and spend more time helping others.

Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and spirit, and to love your neighbor as yourself, this should be our goal in life.

2 Cor 5:15(NKJV): and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.

I desire God’s will above all (Galatians 2:20), but as human beings we need a spouse. I prayed that God will provide someone for me, and the Lord was faithful to provide someone to help me enjoy him even more. I actually met my bf shortly after praying these prayers. I know God has a plan for me. He said it himself (Jeremiah 29:11) I just want to get rid of this fear.

God bless,

 

[dpg3]

I had a disagreement with my boyfriend. I was not responding to his texts/phone calls for a few days. Things are back to normal. He still treats me very well, and we have so much fun together. I sometimes feel like he has to pursue me, but I am also afraid of taking these risks. I could leave quickly, if I can't control this fear. I constantly want all his attention these days, and he is so frustrated.

I am scared of losing him. I stayed at his place for 2 days, and I know I probably crossed one of my boundaries by doing this, but it is just a defense mechanism. I am a borderline . . . I was accused of being manipulative by exs, so I have to say what is actually happening, because that is not my intention to sin, or manipulate anyone. It is just a struggle with a personality disorder. It is often stigmatized, so I am not even sure people will care, or try to understand. Just please do not judge me . . .

I have been dealing with this very awful anxiety for months now. I do not get enough sleep, and I think about him all the time. I text him at work, and in the morning, and sometimes I text him things that I do not think I could actually say to him face to face. I am so stressed.

My boyfriend and I defined our method of dating as intentional. We are dating, so we can find a spouse. I really want to get married, so dating has been my thing for many years. Just nothing seemed to work well for me. I am very scared, and I think all the time about losing him. I am dating an amazing Christian man, but the advice I am getting from some brothers and sisters about these boundaries felt very unrealistic or legalistic. That is not the most important part to my lord in this relationship. What I was told really added to my stress. I am not perfect, but I am not consciously sinning. I desire to please God in this relationship. This relationship is God's will. I have no idea why some Christians found it unpleasant that we were studying the bible and praying together. I was confronted, and even told not to say ' I love you.' Just wow! We are adults. So I really had this idea about maybe leaving the church again.

This was a stumbling block in my path. All the shaming I hear, even though we are being completely pure. It just does not feel good. and I hate that this got to him. We have Jesus and the Holy Spirit. He tells me all the things that make me confident, and that is all good. He is really amazing, and I love him. I just feel insecure sometimes when we have these disagreements or when I hear Christian say all these things. I do not think we are crossing any biblical guidelines. I am disappointed, and I know Satan is using this to weaken our faith, so we need to guard our hearts.

Keep us in your prayers.

Praying.