Forgiveness of God vs. going to others

[timotheus]

I have been a Christian many years now, the Lord has been wonderful and kind.
I had been very backslidden, but in the early 90s, he helped me. He picked
me up, and helped me walk with Him. When He "turned the light on", I believe
He sovereignly helped me to pray the scriptures from Jeremiah 31 (re-iterated
in Hebrews) about the "new covenant", where He would put His laws in us and
write them on our hearts. "For I will be merciful to their sins and their
iniquities I will remember no more." (probably not a perfect quote). At the
time I recalled to mind a pamphlet I had seen in college (next paragraph), about
needing to go make things right that I had done wrong. I realized at the time
I had not been able to follow through with it in college, there was no way I
was going to do it now ... but I told the Lord "I will do it if you help me."

And He did. He cleaned me up, set me free of a bunch of "junk" (rock music
addiction, sexual impurity even though I was in a marriage relationship).
Jesus became real and beautiful once again. Yeah, I had a lot of repenting
to do (and have continued to have to do), but he has been there all the time
these 33+ years and He has been wonderful. At the moment am feeling very "stuck"
and it kind of has to do with what follows:

When I was in college, I got ahold of a pamphlet entitled "Break up Your Fallow
Ground" originally by Charles Finney. The thrust of the pamphlet, as I recall,
was if you were backslidden of heart - lacking that deep seated peace that should
be the characteristic of a child of God in fellowship with the Lord, to immediately
give yourself fully to confessing your sins - even writing them down if need be.
All of them, not general confession but specific. And if any of those sins involved
stealing, for example, go make restitution. If you had offended people, go to them
and repent. I remember trying to do that. I did some, and then basically got tired
of it. There were some things I could not (or would not) go the people involved.
I didn't hide it from the Lord, I confessed it to Him ... but I did not go to the
people involved.

Some of it involved stuff like ... I recall "spanking" a 6 year old when I was a teen age
baby sitter (the father of the child had told me to do that one of the times I
had baby sat). But to this day I still feel horrible about having done that, but
I cannot readily find that person. And if I could 50 years later, should I go to
them and repent of that? Should I pour myself out and "spare no effort" to find
this person and repent to them?

When I was backslidden and not walking with the Lord (and some of it was when I was
walking with the Lord), there were women who I had wrong touch and contact with.
Some of it was "grabbing breasts" when I was like 12 years old. Some of these were
Christian girls. What I did was really evil, I have confessed and repented before
God. But I did not find these girls to repent to them (probably out of fear and
or my embarrassment) ... should I try these 50+ years later?

There were other women where it was even worse ... I hit on one woman at work (totally
evil and inappropriate). There were girls I touched in places totally wrong outside
a marriage relationship. I hate what I did, and I have repented to the Lord.
Do I need to go find all these women now and repent to them, some of them going
on 45+ years later?

I still have issues. I have been trying to help with the greeting at church but
do not have peace about some of the ladies coming up and giving me a very light
brotherly "hug" ... I know the scripture says "if your right hand offends you cut
it off and throw it from you", but I am also aware of scriptures "all things are
pure to those who are pure". I am trying to discern what is the Lord and my conscience
and what is accusation in my own heart.

 

[Bill]

I have been a Christian many years now, the Lord has been wonderful and kind.
I had been very backslidden, but in the early 90s, he helped me. He picked
me up, and helped me walk with Him. When He "turned the light on", I believe
He sovereignly helped me to pray the scriptures from Jeremiah 31 (re-iterated
in Hebrews) about the "new covenant", where He would put His laws in us and
write them on our hearts. "For I will be merciful to their sins and their
iniquities I will remember no more." (probably not a perfect quote). At the
time I recalled to mind a pamphlet I had seen in college (next paragraph), about
needing to go make things right that I had done wrong. I realized at the time
I had not been able to follow through with it in college, there was no way I
was going to do it now ... but I told the Lord "I will do it if you help me."

And He did. He cleaned me up, set me free of a bunch of "junk" (rock music
addiction, sexual impurity even though I was in a marriage relationship).
Jesus became real and beautiful once again. Yeah, I had a lot of repenting
to do (and have continued to have to do), but he has been there all the time
these 33+ years and He has been wonderful. At the moment am feeling very "stuck"
and it kind of has to do with what follows:

When I was in college, I got ahold of a pamphlet entitled "Break up Your Fallow
Ground" originally by Charles Finney. The thrust of the pamphlet, as I recall,
was if you were backslidden of heart - lacking that deep seated peace that should
be the characteristic of a child of God in fellowship with the Lord, to immediately
give yourself fully to confessing your sins - even writing them down if need be.
All of them, not general confession but specific. And if any of those sins involved
stealing, for example, go make restitution. If you had offended people, go to them
and repent. I remember trying to do that. I did some, and then basically got tired
of it. There were some things I could not (or would not) go the people involved.
I didn't hide it from the Lord, I confessed it to Him ... but I did not go to the
people involved.

Some of it involved stuff like ... I recall "spanking" a 6 year old when I was a teen age
baby sitter (the father of the child had told me to do that one of the times I
had baby sat). But to this day I still feel horrible about having done that, but
I cannot readily find that person. And if I could 50 years later, should I go to
them and repent of that? Should I pour myself out and "spare no effort" to find
this person and repent to them?

When I was backslidden and not walking with the Lord (and some of it was when I was
walking with the Lord), there were women who I had wrong touch and contact with.
Some of it was "grabbing breasts" when I was like 12 years old. Some of these were
Christian girls. What I did was really evil, I have confessed and repented before
God. But I did not find these girls to repent to them (probably out of fear and
or my embarrassment) ... should I try these 50+ years later?

There were other women where it was even worse ... I hit on one woman at work (totally
evil and inappropriate). There were girls I touched in places totally wrong outside
a marriage relationship. I hate what I did, and I have repented to the Lord.
Do I need to go find all these women now and repent to them, some of them going
on 45+ years later?

I still have issues. I have been trying to help with the greeting at church but
do not have peace about some of the ladies coming up and giving me a very light
brotherly "hug" ... I know the scripture says "if your right hand offends you cut
it off and throw it from you", but I am also aware of scriptures "all things are
pure to those who are pure". I am trying to discern what is the Lord and my conscience
and what is accusation in my own heart.

May Jesus fill us with his love and wisdom

That was a beautiful read

I'm happy for you.

I've told many people, that we are our own worst enemies. We look in the mirror and we see something horrible, we look in our mirror and we see nothing, we feel that how can God love us because we're so terrible.

These thoughts come from the Devil

God looks at us he has his perfection,
His love in perfection.

He knows that we are sinners, he knows that we fail. He knows that we're stupid. But he loved us through all of it.

The Father tells us, you are my son, you are my daughter. I love you.

The falsness that comes to our minds tells us that we are nothing. God tells us "am I a liar?" I did not make nothing when I created you. When I created you I created perfection. Your choices have made you sick, your choices have made you imperfect. Come back to me and I will love you, and my love will make you perfect.