Husband w/ immoral issues

[kaikeline]

Tranquility, my patience has surprised myself, lol. I never thought I'd put up with so much myself either! A lot of factors played into why I stayed. I know too it could have been worse and there are many people out there that live worse every day. I still don't regret the marriage, it has strengthened me into a much better person. It has been a holy spirit boot camp for sure, lol. Thank you for your prayers and responding!

Christ4Ever, what you said is really awesome! It's very encouraging and uplifting! Thank you for sharing your wonderful wisdom!!


It's not over yet, I have a tougher road ahead of me, but I am not to dwell on that right now. I have had a new revelation from the time of first writing on this forum to now. No matter what he does or what he says I am still able to carry out the things the Lord asks of me. So, it really doesn't matter what he does or what he says, that part is what the devil loves to make look so big to us and so important so we get stuck on it, but it is actually completely trivial to the will of the spirit that God places in us. If I can remain focused on that with the help of God obviously, then I will not crumble on the tougher road that is coming towards me. Swoo, thank God for teaching that to me!!

 

[Christ4Ever]

Thank-you for the kind words Kaikeline. If any of my words were of comfort then praise God even more. Whatever I have that is of worth is His and from Him. To God be all glory!

Gal 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Praying that you will continue to be covered by our God and grow so bright in His Love that all darkness will fall back from your very presence! For they will not see you, but Christ that is in you. In the name of Christ Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

[AbbysAunt]

I have to disagree with you slayer...porn is not fun or exciting...its based on lust which if you read the bible is a sin...you should be able to have an exciting relationship without partaking in porn..having each other should be enough. It is forbidden in the bible and for you to come here and instruct others that it is ok to watch or take part in porn could create a stumbling block for others and I in the love of Jesus ask you please to not to do that.

Matthew5:27-30 You have heard that is was said,*to those of old, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her as already commited adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish than for your whole body to be cast into hell.

You stated you and your wife watch porn...this is committing adultry. As it states in the bible and in the verse above for a man to even look at another woman with lust in his heart is adultery and yes likewise for we women if we look at another man with lust in our hearts we too commit adultery. Jesus tells us in the above verses to do whatever you must to cut yourself off from the things of this world that cause us to sin..doing things like blocking porn whether it be on computer, tv, movies or in books is one way we
can cut it from us and not put that temptation infront of us. The same is true of many thing that can be or are a stumbling block to many of us...we need to cut ourselves off from them and not partake of them and at the same time we do this we need to stay in the word of God and let Jesus lead us and we can over come these tempations by His grace.

In my heart I believe that if a man loves a woman and truely cares for her and respects her he has no need to watch porn because he has all he needs right there in the woman he loves and likewise for the woman if she loves a man and truely cares for him and respects him she has no need to watch porn because she has all she needs in the man she loves...whether married or not its never ok to watch porn.

I will be praying for you slayer. God bless.

 

[Property Of God]

So you need to lust after another woman, and your wife needs to lust another man in order to be happy, and that is a healthy thing to do? Please don't offer stupid and harmful advice here, she wanted a godly advice, not a way to covet, that's so immoral and perverted.

 

[agua]

slayer .. comparing watching occasional porn with having an occasional beer is very strange.

It is sin and you should avoid it. Besides being sin it is perverse to be watching other people have sex. Leave that stuff to the heathen.

 

[agua]

My point was about the word need, not comparing the two to each other. it was just an example of needing something and using something. some poeple need alcohol some people use it. some people need porn some just watch it now and then.

You do see, though, that whether you need to watch porn or watch it now and then does not change the fact it is sin and perverse ?

I must warn you this behaviour will eventually undermine your marriage without doubt.

 

[slayer]

I must warn you this behaviour will eventually undermine your marriage without doubt.

I doubt it, it's a very tiny part of my marriage. anyway, see you next week sometime if the mods let me back, I'm off for the weekend.

 

[Christ4Ever]

Porn Fun?

I don't lust after women and my wife doesn't lust after men (i hope haha),

For the sake of your marriage I hope not. I've been married for 28 years and I still can't control 100 percent of what enters my own mind, much less read my wifes.

I doubt it, it's a very tiny part of my marriage. anyway, see you next week sometime if the mods let me back, I'm off for the weekend.

The mods should be letting you back. As far as excusing this as a small part of your marrige, I would suggest caution. Gal 5:9

Trust scripture over the feelings of my heart because they can be deceitful. Jer 17:9 The heart [is] deceitful above all [things], and desperately wicked: who can know it?

AA made valid points. Try reading it again, after praying some and asking God for understanding of what she is attempting to share with you.

Prov 16:16 How much better [is it] to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver!

you can't deny that it's fun

It's like, if it feels good then it can't be wrong. The "experience must out weight scripture". Curious been looking for "fun" in a sexual context as a foundation for behavior in scripture, and can't seem to find it.

Keep in mind Ephesians 14:22 That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; (23) And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; (24) And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

 

[Chad]

I'll let all you women in on a little secret, men like sex. it's a fact. If he told you he didn't like porn when you met, it was because you just met. It's in our DNA, we like beatiful women, it's what keeps our species going. I'm married and I can tell you, I've never cheated on my wife and I never will, I don't need to, she "puts out". we sometimes watch porn together and it's fun and exciting. As long as you love each other you will be fine.

This is a Christian forum. GOD created sex, marriage and in order to understand the purpose of both, you have to see them through GOD's view. He explains both in the bible.

You cannot make up your own truth or explanation. Only GOD can do this for he IS truth.

Exodus 20:14
“You shall not commit adultery.

Proverbs 6:31-33
31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold,
though it costs him all the wealth of his house.
32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense;
whoever does so destroys himself.
33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,
and his shame will never be wiped away.

Matthew 5:27-29


Adultery

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.


Articles to read:

What is the purpose of marriage?
Questions about Marriage
What does the Bible say about pornography?

 

[MelodyC]

I'll let all you women in on a little secret, men like sex. it's a fact. If he told you he didn't like porn when you met, it was because you just met. It's in our DNA, we like beatiful women, it's what keeps our species going. I'm married and I can tell you, I've never cheated on my wife and I never will, I don't need to, she "puts out". we sometimes watch porn together and it's fun and exciting. As long as you love each other you will be fine.

MT 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.' 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

So what you have admitted to is that you do not know how to be righteous even in your own marriage. You are commiting adultery by watching other women in these porn videos and you as the spiritual head of your family are defiling your own wife.

You don't have to do out and have physical sex with other women to be an adulterer.

Your thoughts will be judged.

 

[kaikeline]

I just recently started a new job that has taken all my time and I just was able to look into my email and see slayer's response. Thank you to everyone who responded to his response.

Slayer, what you described was men (and could be women too) who do not choose to walk the path of righteousness. What you described were people who allow their flesh to control them. When you start to read the bible and learn who God is, you change. Your priorities change, your desires change, everything changes. You start to love God so emensely (I think I spelled that right, don't really care to look it up right now) that you never want to hurt him by doing anything intentionally evil. Passions of the flesh become less and less. You say what you say b/c you do not know any better. Seek God's wisdom, not this world's wisdom.

And even though you deny that watching porn and partaking in things like that do not lead to evil or bad things, I'm sorry but they do. It's a slow leaking poison that you're allowing to seep into the bonds and foundation of your marriage and eventually it will get so big that it will consume your heart. God does not tell us to stay away from these things because he doesn't want us to have "fun", he tells us to stay away from these things b/c He knows the truth and how much they will truly harm us and he loves us and wants to keep us protected from all evil and that's why he lays down the rules that he does. His laws are freedom...freedom from the chains of sin, freedom from the negative consequences of sin.

Read his word before you respond to christian threads. The world's wisdom has no place in God's wisdom and one day he will make a mockery of the world's wisdom and bring all those fools down to their knees.

 

[kaikeline]

I just read your profile Slayer, says you're an athiest. Why would an athiest come to a christian site to post? Did you google something and the forum happened to pop up and you thought you'd add some words? Or were you curious of christian forums? All rhetorical questions.
I hope you read further, curiosity doesn't always kill the cat. And I hope that you and your wife watching porn doesn't escalade into anything more then what you or she can handle b/c trust me, it can happen and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Women do a lot to make men happy, but little do men know what's really going on in the inside of our hearts and mind and how betrayed we really feel and how much our trust has been broken, in matters of porn, swinging, sexual abuse, etc. etc. (this happens to men too, but i'm talking in this case specifically on porn b/c it really is man based and the women are the ones that suffer the most from this industry) This thought will always cross a women's mind (unfortunately sometimes a child or even a teenager) atleast once in her lifetime and they will either supress it and join men or they will live their entire life fighting it until they understand what is a real man and truly what is a real woman: "When will I stop having to feel the pressures of men and their selfish, sexual desires?" b/c it's everywhere and in one form or another we all catch wind of it. And those women in porns, go to talk one some day, or find a hooker and talk to her, and you will hear most of the time how since she was a child she was pressured by men and she felt helpless and defeated and decided to join in b/c she didn't feel the strength to fight it anymore. Or you'll hear some other sad and broken story of a crushed spirit. That's where your money goes when you buy that stuff, to women who have suffered their whole life and do this b/c the only thing that they know about themself is that they are a sexual object and only meant for sex and most become lesbian b/c they really hate men. I can't say this is true for ALL of them, but talk to enough of them and you'll see a pattern. it effects everyone, more then you know.

 

[dannibear]

I just recently started a new job that has taken all my time and I just was able to look into my email and see slayer's response. Thank you to everyone who responded to his response.

Slayer, what you described was men (and could be women too) who do not choose to walk the path of righteousness. What you described were people who allow their flesh to control them. When you start to read the bible and learn who God is, you change. Your priorities change, your desires change, everything changes. You start to love God so emensely (I think I spelled that right, don't really care to look it up right now) that you never want to hurt him by doing anything intentionally evil. Passions of the flesh become less and less. You say what you say b/c you do not know any better. Seek God's wisdom, not this world's wisdom.

And even though you deny that watching porn and partaking in things like that do not lead to evil or bad things, I'm sorry but they do. It's a slow leaking poison that you're allowing to seep into the bonds and foundation of your marriage and eventually it will get so big that it will consume your heart. God does not tell us to stay away from these things because he doesn't want us to have "fun", he tells us to stay away from these things b/c He knows the truth and how much they will truly harm us and he loves us and wants to keep us protected from all evil and that's why he lays down the rules that he does. His laws are freedom...freedom from the chains of sin, freedom from the negative consequences of sin.

Read his word before you respond to christian threads. The world's wisdom has no place in God's wisdom and one day he will make a mockery of the world's wisdom and bring all those fools down to their knees.

You seem to be very wise Kai and I will be praying for
you and your situation, and that God has His hands
on you during your difficult time.

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hi Kai,

We all want the best for you my friend and sister in Jesus. We're all behind you lifting you up in prayer knowing that our Lord will continue to work in your life and the life of your husband. Nothing is impossible for our Lord.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Kai and with your husband. I myself have dealt with this issue on a personal level and I agree with you on all you stated to slayer about it. Praise God He got ahold of me and saved me because I know I could of never saved myself. Just as He saved me I will continue to pray that our Lord Jesus will save your husband from this issue of porn as well.

God bless you kai and keep you always!

 

[dannibear]

Hello Kai! I have not heard from you in
a while. I am just checking on you
and making sure you are ok and still standing
strong.

 

[Furious_Love]

DISCLAIMER - This may be offensive to some.

I AM OVER IT!!!!!!!! I hate this world! It burns inside me.

Hello kaikeline, some Men remain boys all their life. Some men have virtues that are unshakable. Ponder on this.

I don’t think you give yourself enough credit kaikeline. A marriage is 50/50 down the line. You are allowed to speak your mind, as you speak your mind you also speak into his life and God honours you for doing it. You gain strength from being who you are, never deny yourself that.

Men who touch women or are verbal are actually broken inside and react to the world like children.

You obviously had a deep relationship at one point. Is there still love in that? Can your relationship be redeemed? Draw closer to God for the strength to be who you are. In my nearly 22 years marriage I know that a relationship moves and changes with time. Stand firm, be bold. I would like to say more on this but feel it would be lost ATM.
Bless You kaikeline, my prayers are with you.

 

[ChristianAspie]

Dear sister, you are in some serious spiritual warfare! I suggest that you get a copy of Winning the Spiritual War by Dr. James Holland Sr. The enemy is quite upset with you which means you must be doing something very right! If you have had the New Life experience as outlined in John 3, you are "one of His (Jesus). You have the authority given you by God to rebuke satan and you can war against them under than authority (we can not yet do it ourselves, but you can invoke God's authority).

I urge you to read that book! You are in a war and while you have good protection, you are essentially unarmed because you haven't yet been provided the tools for combat.

Praise God! Praise Him through it all. Immerse yourself in Him. The enemy is trying to tear down your defenses and drive you away from God. He wants to destroy your relationship with Jesus. Know the enemy for what he is, a deceiver and a destroyer.

I am praying for you, sister.

 

[natters]

Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church (you can google it) has an excellent two part sermon series on the roles of husbands and wives in a marriage. I suggest you watch it. I didn't read the entire thread and may have missed the part where you mention whether your husband is a beleiver or not, but if he is you may be able to convince him to watch the one about husbands. He is VERY "in your face" about what the bible says regarding our place as husband and wife.

My prayers are with you!

 

[judgementG]

I wish I had the right words to say but I don't. I will just be praying for you

I know movies are sometimes a way of escaping, but they can heal too. I recently saw Higher Ground, a movie about faith, religion, doubt, temptation and ultimately the struggles with family life.

It might inspire you to fight for you love and your life with God in your heart.

I'll pray for you!

 

[masimbi therese]

Jesus knows and Loves u.

my dear So sorry!!! am just touched by Ur behavior towards Ur husband, what i know is that Jesus never let us down, He will surely show His mercy towards you, and His grace will see you through, Am convinced that your husband will change and come to know the Lord, as u wait upon the Lord just be PATIENT.

with love and prayers.