Married spiritually but not legally

[Shaine]

@Sue D.

Actually the reason why we did the ceremony was the decision of my parents since I got pregnant and gave birth to our daughter. At that time we were not able to legally married since my petition for USA was on process. I should maintain my status as single. And doing this ceremony will somehow allowing us to be together as husband and wife in the eyes of people around us. We were innocent that time interms of christianity because as I told earlier we were not a christian that time. Since I became christian I realized we shouldn't do it and we must pay respect to a marriage design by our God. (Legal marriage)

Now, we are not living together since 2 years. We are both working in different city in saudi. Our daughter is living with the family of my ex. But I and my daughter have good relationship and communication.She is 8 years old now. Me and my ex only communicating about our child. I recently got an information about my ex that they are working both his girlfriend in the same company here in saudi ( the reason of our break up 2 years ago). And to be honest, I have a new relationship now but our pastor advised us to end our relationship because according to him I should fix my relationship with my ex for the benefit of our daughter and he is telling me that this is what God wants me to do. To be legally married with my ex to save our family. Our pastor and my ex had communicated recently and according to my ex he was telling that he want to fix our relationship. I was confused if he is telling the truth or not because he had already with his gilrfriend. I confronted my ex and I told him I didn't love him anymore and our relationship is over.

I have learned since I became christian that marriage is a very serious relationship. It is a serious commitment not only to each other but mostly to our God. How can I commit my self to a person without love? How about the success rate of this marriage without love?How we communicate infront of our child without love? How will affect our daughter living in a house pretending our relationship is in good term? How can I enjoy and apply the marriage relationship design by God without love?Those are the question circulating in my mind that I need to consider before making a decision. I know I have the free will to decide since I am not married legally but Iam praying that God will give me the wisdom for the right thing to do according to His will. I am actively attending our church and Im serving the Lord through our music ministry which I have commited. That' s why I realy felt that as if I am disobeying God if I will not consider the advise of my pastor. I tried also to communicate with other pastors and they have different opinion about my case opposite to the pastor I am talking about here. Hoping for another response. Thank you❤

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Greetings @Shaine

Seek the Lord in prayer and He will lead and guide you.
Ask Him to make the way clear.

Praying for you

 

[Andyindauk]

@Sue D.

Actually the reason why we did the ceremony was the decision of my parents since I got pregnant and gave birth to our daughter. At that time we were not able to legally married since my petition for USA was on process. I should maintain my status as single. And doing this ceremony will somehow allowing us to be together as husband and wife in the eyes of people around us. We were innocent that time interms of christianity because as I told earlier we were not a christian that time. Since I became christian I realized we shouldn't do it and we must pay respect to a marriage design by our God. (Legal marriage)

Now, we are not living together since 2 years. We are both working in different city in saudi. Our daughter is living with the family of my ex. But I and my daughter have good relationship and communication.She is 8 years old now. Me and my ex only communicating about our child. I recently got an information about my ex that they are working both his girlfriend in the same company here in saudi ( the reason of our break up 2 years ago). And to be honest, I have a new relationship now but our pastor advised us to end our relationship because according to him I should fix my relationship with my ex for the benefit of our daughter and he is telling me that this is what God wants me to do. To be legally married with my ex to save our family. Our pastor and my ex had communicated recently and according to my ex he was telling that he want to fix our relationship. I was confused if he is telling the truth or not because he had already with his gilrfriend. I confronted my ex and I told him I didn't love him anymore and our relationship is over.

I have learned since I became christian that marriage is a very serious relationship. It is a serious commitment not only to each other but mostly to our God. How can I commit my self to a person without love? How about the success rate of this marriage without love?How we communicate infront of our child without love? How will affect our daughter living in a house pretending our relationship is in good term? How can I enjoy and apply the marriage relationship design by God without love?Those are the question circulating in my mind that I need to consider before making a decision. I know I have the free will to decide since I am not married legally but Iam praying that God will give me the wisdom for the right thing to do according to His will. I am actively attending our church and Im serving the Lord through our music ministry which I have commited. That' s why I realy felt that as if I am disobeying God if I will not consider the advise of my pastor. I tried also to communicate with other pastors and they have different opinion about my case opposite to the pastor I am talking about here. Hoping for another response. Thank you❤

Hi Shaine,

A little bit more info. Thank you. One could say that there may be a question mark over this marriage ceremony if it was only undertaken to keep the peace and get a few people off your case. But then on the other hand, if the pastor had registered the marriage properly then you would have felt married, especially if afterwards the marriage was consummated. Like I said, I doubt God cares much about certificates and registration.

From what you say that both parties have since taken on new partners and neither of you have much attraction or desire for the other, then maybe that's not an ideal situation to bring a child up in.

What I do say is that my advice to you remains unchanged. You seem to be running some sort of a referendum, stop looking for advice either on here of from other pastors. We don't have to live with your ex or bring up your child. That's the situation you're facing and the best person to help you with that decision is God Himself. Pray and ask His will and keep asking and seeking His Spirit's wisdom. Pray and meditate and listen, then when you feel you know what God's will is, have the confidence and faith to just do it and stick by that decision. I promise you that God will be with you.

======================

Dear Lord God,

Thank you God for your love and guidance. Sometimes we ignore the resource of you, your wisdom, your perfect insight into the future and your almighty power to change and mould our future and seek the advice of others. Sometimes it's good to ask brothers and sisters in Christ, and thank you God for that resource also, but for those really big decisions we need to cut out the middleman and come directly to you God.

I pray Lord for my sister Shaine, draw very close and reveal to her just what you want for her. I ask your Spirit to lead and train her thoughts and desires to be in line with your thoughts and desires. Lord God bless Shaine and bless her future, whichever path she take.

Amen.

 

[Sue D.]

@Shaine -- Hi -- you're talking about a Saudi Arabian culture And being in the process of applying for US citizenship. And Why are you wanting to gain U.S. citizenship?

Not so sure I agree with your pastor. If you were both by yourselves and had a desire to work things out, great. I would simply remain single and have a good relationship with your daughter.

Your exes parents are taking care of your 8 yrs old daughter. As long as That is a stable home and you have a good relationship with her. Sounds okay.

You said you're presently in another relationship. What nationality is he. Is he possibly wanting to help you gain US citizenship by you marrying a US citizen to gain entrance. Or is he another Saudi citizen.

Sounds like a situation with no easy answers.

God Does care that people obey the laws of the land. And that you have a good relationship with Him, God.

And, yes, Lots of questions.

 

[Shaine]

@Sue D.

Im a Filipino citizen working here in saudi and a born again christian. I am not telling that Im gaining US citizenship. It just happen that my mother was living in US and trying to take me there through petition (Parent to child petition). I was 20 years old that time.That's why that time we didnt undergo legal marriage because I should keep my status as single. My boyfriend now is a Filipino also. We are both christians. My concern here is if I will pursue my decision not to fix my past relationship am I really disobeying the will of God? Do I need to feel guilty of not following the advise of my pastor? Since I am a christian, I dont want to decide by my own desire. I really want to know the will of God for me. I don't feel that God is saying me to reunite again with my ex as what my pastor advised me. I feel so much guilt because I know in my heart I dont want to pursue my past relationship.

 

[Shaine]

@Andyindauk

Thank you for your prayers❤
I am not sure if it was registered properly by the pastor. Yes we underwent the same ceremony like the use of veil and candle. But having a scratch paper to sign as if we were signing a real marriage contract is I think its improper knowing that we deceiving people. With this experience I felt like I disrespect the marriage design by God. I don't know if this ceremony was pleasing to God. In the first place why there are pastor allowing this kind of ceremony?Is this right?a ceremony without legality?

 

[Sue D.]

You're both Philipino and now are both Christians. And working in Saudi -- oh.

Apparently your mother is also Philipino and living in U.S.

That marriage / well / almost but not really -- that's something that you and God need to get straightened out.

Maybe your pastor wasn't really following how he should have. I wouldn't really feel guilty about following your pastors' advice in this situation. He would like the original 'family' unit to be together. Life does happen.

Take where you are Now -- if you feel a need to repent to God -- by all means do so. Make sure Your heart is right with God. All Anyone has is This day.

Since you are both Philipino -- what does That law state.

 

[Andyindauk]

@Andyindauk

Thank you for your prayers❤
I am not sure if it was registered properly by the pastor. Yes we underwent the same ceremony like the use of veil and candle. But having a scratch paper to sign as if we were signing a real marriage contract is I think its improper knowing that we deceiving people. With this experience I felt like I disrespect the marriage design by God. I don't know if this ceremony was pleasing to God. In the first place why there are pastor allowing this kind of ceremony?Is this right?a ceremony without legality?

Hi Shaine, Obviously I wasn't at the ceremony (my invite is probably still in the post lol) anyway I don't know much about the ins and outs of it. Like churches in the UK , if a couple goes to a church and asks the pastor, vicar or minister for some sort of a blessing on their relationship generally they'll organise that for you. I wouldn't expect many to go into any in-depth analysis behind the motives of the couple and whether they are just complying with any outside pressures such as parents or peers. With a marriage ceremony though, that's quite different. The pastor, vicar or minister would want to see the couple at least two or three times to give them some training about the sanctity of marriage and how they should commit to, respect and love each other etc. The absence of such meetings doesn't make the marriage null and void so if you're ever thinking about marrying someone else I'd make absolutely sure that the ceremony in the Philippines was not formal otherwise you'd run the risk of bigamy.

Whether the ceremony was pleasing or displeasing to God is not really relevant right now because firstly it's history and secondly neither party were committed Christians. God tends to be much more interested in your future than your past.

You need to think, pray, meditate, pray, reflect and pray about your plans for your future and which path you're going to take. I really wouldn't seek or take any further advice from anyone other than God on this.

Please do keep us posted with your thoughts and any dilemmas or issues you want to air and of course we're all dying to know what you decide. God bless you Shaine.

 

[Shaine]

@Sue D.

What do you mean by maybe the pastor wasn't really following how he should have?Can you give your insight more? In our Law we are not married unless we will register that ceremony legally (Late registrstion)which is I would never do. Regardless about the ceremony happened my status when you will deal it with the law is 100% single. What I felt in my situation now is my relationship between me and God. If I would depend on my own understanding and my own desire, I would choose to marry the person I love, I would not consider anymore my past relationship and I would be focus in the future and be open to a new relationship. I will make sure not to neglect my responsibility with my daughter because I know this will not ofcourse be pleasing to God. Furthermore, I will commit my entire life to the Lord by serving Him with my soon to be family for the rest of my life and be deepen to His word. But being a christian, I should not depend on myself, in my own understanting, I should depend on the wisdom and the will of God for me. Sometimes I would ask this question to myself, Is this is the plan/will of God for me?

 

[Shaine]

@Andyindauk

Yes I agree about the training you are talking about before a marriage ceremony. And if Im not mistaken you are referring to this what so called marriage counselling which we are practicing here in the Philippines prior to marriage. We did'nt have any of those training before our ceremony so you mean this is null and void? If so, how true that we have this so called married in the eyes of God?One thing more, my pastor letting me feel that if I would go into new relationship I will be guilty of comitting adultery because God does'nt want my original family( first family) to be broken. There should be a restoration for a broken family. This what my pastor keeps on telling me. I felt like he is giving me a big reason to be feel guilty of not following his advise. ( Im not saying these against with my pastor but Im just telling what I feel). And he is telling me that God will give cursed on to my family in the 3th and 4th generation as what the bible saying if I will choose my own decision without acknowledging the will of God. (Ofcourse I dont want this to be happen in my future family) Really I am very upset, I don't really understand what is wrong.I am confused.Haysst...

 

[Andyindauk]

@Andyindauk

Yes I agree about the training you are talking about before a marriage ceremony. And if Im not mistaken you are referring to this what so called marriage counselling which we are practicing here in the Philippines prior to marriage. We did'nt have any of those training before our ceremony so you mean this is null and void? If so, how true that we have this so called married in the eyes of God?One thing more, my pastor letting me feel that if I would go into new relationship I will be guilty of comitting adultery because God does'nt want my original family( first family) to be broken. There should be a restoration for a broken family. This what my pastor keeps on telling me. I felt like he is giving me a big reason to be feel guilty of not following his advise. ( Im not saying these against with my pastor but Im just telling what I feel). And he is telling me that God will give cursed on to my family in the 3th and 4th generation as what the bible saying if I will choose my own decision without acknowledging the will of God. (Ofcourse I dont want this to be happen in my future family) Really I am very upset, I don't really understand what is wrong.I am confused.Haysst...

Hi Shaine,

When I was talking about marriage classes before a wedding ceremony, I was only saying that would be ideal but the absence of classes doesn't make a marriage void. If you want to remarry according to the law of the the Philippines you'll need to check out whether your first ceremony was registered and therefore legally binding according to the law of that country. Years ago in Las Vegas they had drive through wedding venues, I don't know if they still do; they're not ideal but nevertheless legally binding.

You then ask what is God's will in all this? Which is a completely different issue altogether. Firstly, I would advise you to ignore he pastor's advice. God gave the Jews the get out of divorce very reluctantly, He's really not a fan of divorce at all, read Matthew 19:1-11 to see what Jesus thinks about this. When He gave the Jews this process, He did not link it to any curse.

On a question as big as this, you need to take it to God Himself. I can just picture God shouting at you: "Why are you asking that pastor and why are you hassling those people in TalkJesus? What do they know about my will in your life? Why don't you ask me instead?"

Sorry to keep ducking this one, but I really don't feel qualified to tell you which way you should jump. But do keep us posted.

God bless you sister xx

 

[Shaine]

@Andyindauk

I am much pretty sure that my first ceremony was not registered. Neither I nor my ex took any action about registration after the ceremony. We dont even have the papers to be legally register. Yeah I must say so that God is shouting at me telling that I must know His will by myself through constant praying,entrusting everything to Him and talking to Him directlyNow this conversation somehow helped me a lot to see the clear picture of my situation. Thanks a lot. Godbless❤

 

[Sue D.]

Shaine -- You'd commented that you weren't sure about your pastor following through correctly in the procedures. that's all.

And, yes, pre-marital counseling is always a good idea, but not necessary. The idea is to bring up subjects Before marriage that potential spouses can think about. And marriage , itself, will bring up situations never thought of prior to being married. Working through problems together. Learning How to talk about everything. Praying together.

 

[Sue D.]

God bless you, also.

 

[DieAmartyr]

I am married, but not legally. My husband and I can't afford to have a wedding or get rings right now, but we have prayed to god to accept our marriage and have told him that we are married. Do you have to get married by a priest to actually be married in god's eyes?

Actually you do! I mean you have to be joined by a man of the cloth, a holy man in order to have your marriage blessed by joining you and your husband and God. I got married in a church but we left the state out of it because " the piece of paper" is where people go wrong by getting married for the wrong reasons. The Bible says a covenant between 3, not 3 and the state. I mean if people could just pray and be married that would be great, but you want to do it in Gods house, with vows, and have your marriage blessed. Otherwise you are just 2 people praying and living together in sin...no?

 

[Sue D.]

@LovingAvalanche -- Scripturally -- what God has joined together let not man put assunder. I've never heard of Telling God that you're married. Or to 'accept our marriage'. When a man and woman are drawn to want to spend their lives together and have a sexual relationship -- but due to their set of circumstances Can't. Then they Could say their own vows to each other. Promising to put God first in their lives -- to love , honor each other. Promise to stay together for better or worse, in sickness and health , in whatever life holds for them. The commit their lives together -- exchange 'something' between the two of them to show their committment to each other. And probably have a couple of friends or family with them as witnesses. Then when they have done the verbal commitment to each other and asked God to bless their relationship - Then they could feel free to physically act on their marriage.

And Then, when they Are in a situation to get legally married -- by a pastor or Justice of the Peace, do so. A marriage certificate Is 'but a piece of paper' but it's a very important piece of paper. There are legalities attached To marriage.

Lots of people get married because it's the right thing To do. People don't have to be born again to have God bless their marriage. But Biblically -- believers are to marry only other believers. But non-believers can have perfectly good marriages, too. It's promised committment to the other person no matter What happens. Because the two people Want to be together -- they feel more complete together. And when there is chemistry between people, they usually want to have children together -- family. It's a God-given desire. Sex is to be within the boundary of marriage. And marriage is supposed to be a serious commitment between a man and a woman Until death separates them.

 

[PloughBoy]

Actually you do! I mean you have to be joined by a man of the cloth, a holy man in order to have your marriage blessed by joining you and your husband and God. I got married in a church but we left the state out of it because " the piece of paper" is where people go wrong by getting married for the wrong reasons. The Bible says a covenant between 3, not 3 and the state. I mean if people could just pray and be married that would be great, but you want to do it in Gods house, with vows, and have your marriage blessed. Otherwise you are just 2 people praying and living together in sin...no?

women amaze me, and they way a lot of them think. I do believe they not only took a bite of that fruit on that tree in the garden, they eat the whole piece after giving adam a bite, and they swallowed the seeds too. Then they understood, you are suposed to spit the seeds out.

 

[Sue D.]

@PloughBoy -- you have a tendency to not make much sense with your responses.
Women amaze You and men amaze Me.

 

[backNforth]

I am married, but not legally.

Excellent, as the believer considers only what is Lawful.

I can't afford to have a wedding or get rings right now...Do you have to get married by a priest to actually be married in god's eyes?

Absolutely not to all of that. In fact, to do so is pagan and RCC tradition. Do you wish to know more?

 

[DieAmartyr]

women amaze me, and they way a lot of them think. I do believe they not only took a bite of that fruit on that tree in the garden, they eat the whole piece after giving adam a bite, and they swallowed the seeds too. Then they understood, you are suposed to spit the seeds out.

That is so vulgar. To talk about women swallowing seed is just a way for you to get your dig in with a play on words. You think we are so stupid.