Some of my daft saying and things

[lonely_soul]

daft sayings and there alternatives:
At the end of the day: At the beginning of the night
Well to be honest with you: Well to tell you lies
what's the point, that thing at the end of a needle
I'm at the end of my tether: I'm at the beginning of my cable

Good replies:
What's up:
nothing I've not thrown anything in the air yet.
Or a plane.
The cheques in the post: Which one the garden post or the lamp-post
I bought a new car and I've been out for a spin: really are you dizzy (then double reply) actually no my names Paul.

Loads I have in a Sid Little book as well.

 

[lonely_soul]

A judge goes into court one day taking a suitcase with him.
Puzzled the Clerk asks are you going on holiday after this?
No replies the judge, opening and shutting the suitcase, then saying:
'It's an open and shut case.'

Longer version, lol, I thought up few minutes a go, tee hee.

What did the glue say to the cellotape who was about to leave the party, can't you stick around.

Two fish in a tank and one says to the other who's gonna drive this thing.

Two fish moved to a pond and one says to the other, what happened to the tank, and the other says it's in for an M.O.T.

Four ministers went on a retreat, sat in a room and decided to confess their weaknesses.
1st minister: My problem is, there are too many beautiful women in the world.
2nd minister: My problem is drinking too much.
3rd minister: My problem is I tell lies. Last week I was about to be caught for speeding, so I just put on my collar and said I was taking a funeral. Works every time.
4th minster: I am very sorry to have to tell you my problem - I gossip and I am not able to stop it.

Taken from a book, bit borderline in a way.

So many in there.

I come out with loads at work, putting out stock, like hinges, as I'm about to put them on the peg I say everything hinges on this.

Cycle tyres, out around your neck and say, I'm re-tired, ha ha.

Trouble is, unless I write them down, with my memory these days I forget them.

Man walks into a bar and goes ouch.