My brethren the truth is not found in Calvinism or any ism it is found in Jesus Christ, only He is the truth. If we try to learn the doctrine of Calvinism without having the experience and revelation of Christ for ourselves we will be confused and disappointed. Our speaking will not match our living and experience. Calvinism is a high doctrine from God's point of view, Calvin himself knew God intimately and had a personal relationship with Him and this caused him to realize that God is involved in all the affairs of His creation. He in no way was putting forward the idea that it is a one-way relationship, but emphasized the greater aspects. We often look at things from man's point of view, so Calvinism can be hard to understand. So we need to spend more time in prayer for God to bring us up to His level and show us how He sees things. If we realize our choices fit within the greater framework of God's provision and sovereignty, we may experience more joy and peace and comfort in our life. Yes I did all these great things in my life, made the right choices, etc etc, but was it really me? Was God the one behind all these things, preparing the way, giving me the ability to make those choices, making it all work out when the choices were made, opening (and closing) all the doors in my life, for salvation and for everything? Do you have the sense that God's hand is on your life? Do you experience His sovereign care and protection each day in every situation? Do you feel as if God is in control, or are you struggling to maintain your Christian faith and your life by your reasoning right from wrong, and your human effort? Do you turn to Him at all times in good times and bad? Have we surrendered our lives completely? We need to deny our self, take up our cross and follow Him. No more self effort, or striving to understand, be happy where the Lord has put you and what He has for you to do, find yourself enjoying His presence above all and anything else, don't worry if others don't believe the same as you do, we all have received a different amount of light, but it does not make us more right or wrong than each other, we all drink of the same Spirit.