Can men and women just be friends? (How do we deal with opposite sex friendships before marriage)?

[pookiejr]

Hey no problem sis, something the Lord taught me as well when I struggled with this question in the past.

Thanks for the self disclosure.

Its actually great to be friends with each other that is the highest form of 'relationship!' Its actually a lot more honoring than being physically intimate cos lets face it that part is messy, can cause a heap of trouble, and something that you need to shield children from.

Is this a reference to Jonathan and David?

It might be that you have find yourself with few male friends for a while, esp single ones but then you dont need to be friends with every tom **** and harry wanting to use you. Or you trying to use them for selfish reasons.

Agreed. Strangely enough, I have found it easier to get along better with males all of my life, but its hard to find righteous ones in this day and age. Likewise, I appreciate your low-key admonition to examine myself when it comes to my own motives.

a good friend while hard to find, will last, even can outlast a marriage. Abraham was called a Friend of God.

Agreed, Which is why, at this point, I would like to have a friend who is working towards the Kingdom with me, rather than a man who "tickles the fancy" of my flesh, as so to speak. not saying that I will marry, But if I do, I would rather treat it as a "kingdom business" transaction rather than "an affair of the heart."

If its the case that God wants you to marry and be a mother, well be prepared but the thing is God doesnt ask everyone to be married. If you do, you still need to honor your husband and not defile the marriage bed. If you marry an unbeliever you may be in for a lifetime of sorrow or abuse, or even divorce, if they choose not to walk in His way.

Agreed. I believed that because I lost my virginity in high school than I was completely ruined and that God would never let me marry anyone but the guy i gave myself to (and he is a desperate un believer; also, not the same person that goes to my church). He is what people would consider a "dream guy" on paper, would do anything for me, Except believe Jesus. (which, If he only did that, he would be able to do everything else right.) He can't understand my desire for God, and his desire is to turn me away from The way of Righteousness (the terrible websites he tried to show me were lawl). He doesn't get that saying "lets talk about other things other than 'that'" as an attempt to keep me "happy" means that the thing that is most important to me, I can't discuss why I smile at random because God (thinking about God makes me happy, but I cut him out before I could explain the joy that I have to him in fullness)

Either way, if that is the case (if you mean that leaving the bed undefiled means that you go to it as a virgin), The bed is already defiled... :/

In this world theres so much of the devil wanting people to lust after the world rather than hunger for righteousness. When I talk with many people about why their marriage didnt last it actually turns put they fornicated with their spouse before marrying, instead of a foundation of friendship or likemindedness it was based on lust, it seems like the common denominator in almost all cases.

Amen Again again. When you think about it, the closest thing that satan could provide anyone to the joy of being filled with the Spirit, is the fleshly pleasure of sex. Something that God designed, but corrupted by perverting it as well as putting it out of context.

See Eve was at first attracted to the forbidden tree because the fruit LOOKED delicious And she thought it would make her wise. Well..look that got both of them banished from the garden, adam had to work for hard for a living, Eve had to contend with painful childbirth, and doing what her husband wanted all the time and their first child ended up killing his brother!

Yeah attraction is dangerous if it is for the wrong reasons.

Notice in Genesis there was no actual marriage or wedding taking place between adam and eve. There was no covenant made. Maybe like many people, it happened after instead of before because they couldnt wait. After Seth was born (to replace Abel) i think thats when the Bible says they called upon the Lord. From Seths line Jesus was born, not Cains.

Idk. I thought that Consummation was the covenant, Especially since the law was not yet available to man.

I think Jesus makes the perfect husband but you need that close spiritual relationship with Him first the kingdom cannot be inherited by flesh and blood. Satan really tries to deceive women especially about the opposite sex.

Spiritually, he is our husband (if we are born again). He deceives men too. He is not as wise as God, but he's not stupid. Like I said before, using things that God made and corrupting them.

I encourage you to cultivate your relationship with the Lord first and then everything will be added to you.

Amen, life is easier this way.

There is a book written by a sister who had the similar issues and a great testimony for single women...if can remember it, will post it here, so you can look it up.

K

>>>>> Roughly 25 minutes later<<<<<

Its called You are a prize to be won! Dont settle for less than God's best by Wendy Griffith.

YAY! thx.

The way I see it, sometimes its best to be an old maid than an old nag! Most men run away when their wives turn against them or silently endure this chinese torture of having to please a wife who is never happy!

This is why the marrieds need Jesus lol. If you dont have contentment in Christ, it can mess everything else up, I learned this the hard way. when talkeing to the church member I was trying to keep things together, and I had stopped a lot of communication with God in the process. and now, from what I understand, the man currently cannot stand me. A former coworker told me that there was a story about a woman who killed her husband because he couldn't "stay" (is that the word for it? idk) long enough for her to orgasm and she got tired of it. Again, even in marriage Godly contentment is necessary. Otherwise, it could end terribly.

 

[Lanolin]

I think in this day and age, its difficult to stay pure, even for christians.

But if we've repented we just go on walking in the Lord and surrender to Him what he wants for us.

I now find myself in a job working with a lot of blokes (men) whereas before my working life before was mostly with women.

Now the challenge is to keep things professional when an unbelieving workmate thinks you and every other girl he works with is attractive. Ai...need the Lord for this one.

I think young or old, if someone is looking at you in lust its creepy. Unbelieivng women can do this too..you just need to be careful. You belong to God now. We have a higher calling, do we not?

Was thinking about adam and eve they did not have a proper marriage covenant the way people are meant to now, back then they were the only two people on the entire planet lol. Its not as if adam could cheat on eve, but spiritually, if we cheat on God with Satan we have made ourselves ******. The good thing is God forgives us when we repent and we sin no more...He is able to keep us.

 

[pookiejr]

Spiritually, he is our husband (if we are born again). He deceives men too. He is not as wise as God, but he's not stupid. Like I said before, using things that God made and corrupting them.

I meant "he" as in satan when I said "He deceives men too." I re-read that and, without proper context, it looks like I am accusing Jesus of deception :/ I apologize

 

[Lanolin]

Yea I gathered, that's what I thought you meant..

I grew up in the 80s where everyone was taught to have 'safe sex'. Safe sex my foot.

 

[pookiejr]

Yea I gathered, that's what I thought you meant..

I grew up in the 80s where everyone was taught to have 'safe sex'. Safe sex my foot.

Safe sex = Sex with only your spouse as God designed it.

 

[Lanolin]

No they didnt teach it that way. I remember in high school we got taught how to use condoms and we were told if someone wants you to use one, or something. ?!

We were never taught about marriage!!!

I dont think anyone bothered. In university they would be really into lgbt agenda. If you didnt get drunk and experiment, people implied something was wrong with you if you were a virgin.

Most women in 'relationships' were on pills.

I think nowadays even married women are and that messes with their hormones. You can tell they get all irritable. But many people now say they live with a 'partner' instead, theres no such thing as husband and wife.

 

[Lanolin]

I would say if you in a situtation like Lot was, flee.

I mean so much incest and adultery goes on these days. I think people just dont know how to behave, cos theyve never been taught or discipled.

I also think if you have Christ in your life, because He is righteous and holy, other men simply cant measure up. You might be living in a city of a million people and not even meet a single righteous man, if the generation you are part of is wicked and adulterous.

Personally I think churches these days do nothing to address these problems, which is why you hearing about lots of coverups and abuse among youth leaders. Esp christians viewing porn.ick.

You think church might be a safe place to hang out, but it isn't. wolves go there to prey on women, pretending to be followers of Christ. They arent hearing the sermon, they go there to check out the ladies.

I had to leave a prayer group once cos one guy was coveting me. And he already had a girlfriend, she came to the prayer group with him! He was a bit nuts, or maybe autistic. Sorry.

 

[pookiejr]

No they didnt teach it that way. I remember in high school we got taught how to use condoms and we were told if someone wants you to use one, or something. ?!

We were never taught about marriage!!!

I dont think anyone bothered. In university they would be really into lgbt agenda. If you didnt get drunk and experiment, people implied something was wrong with you if you were a virgin.

Most women in 'relationships' were on pills.

I think nowadays even married women are and that messes with their hormones. You can tell they get all irritable. But many people now say they live with a 'partner' instead, theres no such thing as husband and wife.

lolsmh; I figured they didn't: how else would they encourage people to get into sexual bondage... erm liberation.

Again, satan hates order, its sad that people are not taught how to be men and women, in a biblical sense, even in the church. Idk...

I would say if you in a situtation like Lot was, flee.

I mean so much incest and adultery goes on these days. I think people just dont know how to behave, cos theyve never been taught or discipled.

Yep.

I also think if you have Christ in your life, because He is righteous and holy, other men simply cant measure up. You might be living in a city of a million people and not even meet a single righteous man, if the generation you are part of is wicked and adulterous.

Romans 11:3-4Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)
2 No, God has not rejected and disowned His people [whose destiny] He had marked out and appointed and foreknown from the beginning. Do you not know what the Scripture says of Elijah, how he pleads with God against Israel?
3 Lord, they have killed Your prophets; they have demolished Your altars, and I alone am left, and they seek my life.
4 But what is God’s reply to him? I have kept for Myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal!

Hebrews 10:25
Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching.

God would not tell us to assemble if there was not going to be at least one other person there who actually wants to please Him.

Personally I think churches these days do nothing to address these problems, which is why you hearing about lots of coverups and abuse among youth leaders. Esp christians viewing porn.ick.

Some churches are doing better than others. Also, have you asked God for a solution to this?

You think church might be a safe place to hang out, but it isn't. wolves go there to prey on women, pretending to be followers of Christ. They arent hearing the sermon, they go there to check out the ladies.

Some do, some dont. The ones who covet often outshine the ones who are sincere, and sometimes the sincere ones get caught in the lust of the flesh. its sad really...

I had to leave a prayer group once cos one guy was coveting me. And he already had a girlfriend, she came to the prayer group with him! He was a bit nuts, or maybe autistic. Sorry.

Lust makes people crazy, pray for him then!

 

[amadeus2]

lolsmh; I figured they didn't: how else would they encourage people to get into sexual bondage... erm liberation.

Again, satan hates order, its sad that people are not taught how to be men and women, in a biblical sense, even in the church. Idk...

Yep.

God's Order is what He expects His people to pursue, but He did not leave us to do it on our own. He sent His Son, Jesus, to make it a real possibility. In spite of this Way [which Jesus is] we see the same thing happening to the supposedly Christian world today that was happening to God's people [natural children of Jacob/Israel] at the time Jesus walked this land in a body of flesh for our sakes.

This very conversation assures us that it is not everyone will necessarily end up completely out of God's Order, but too many sitting in pews very regularly don't seem to even be on the approach.

God will have His Order in His people, but probably many would be surprised that they will not be included.

The Head of the Body is ready, but the Body itself is in process. You and I and each one of us have the opportunity to be a part, but we cannot do it alone. God knows that and for that reason He sent His Son to make it a possibility. We need to make use of the Opportunity while we have it.

Give God the glory!

 

[amadeus2]

No they didnt teach it that way. I remember in high school we got taught how to use condoms and we were told if someone wants you to use one, or something. ?!

We were never taught about marriage!!!

I dont think anyone bothered. In university they would be really into lgbt agenda. If you didnt get drunk and experiment, people implied something was wrong with you if you were a virgin.

Most women in 'relationships' were on pills.

I think nowadays even married women are and that messes with their hormones. You can tell they get all irritable. But many people now say they live with a 'partner' instead, theres no such thing as husband and wife.

In my day [quite a bit earlier than yours as I graduated from high school (12th grade) in 1961] sex was not even mentioned at school, unless it was to rebuke someone that mentioned it too blatantly. Was our system better then? Not really, for people were still people with the same flaws and fleshly interests and people have always had. Men have built on what Adam and Eve started instead of what God would have them build upon...

"Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever." I John 2:15-17

 

[pookiejr]

God's Order is what He expects His people to pursue, but He did not leave us to do it on our own. He sent His Son, Jesus, to make it a real possibility. In spite of this Way [which Jesus is] we see the same thing happening to the supposedly Christian world today that was happening to God's people [natural children of Jacob/Israel] at the time Jesus walked this land in a body of flesh for our sakes.

This very conversation assures us that it is not everyone will necessarily end up completely out of God's Order, but too many sitting in pews very regularly don't seem to even be on the approach.

God will have His Order in His people, but probably many would be surprised that they will not be included.

The Head of the Body is ready, but the Body itself is in process. You and I and each one of us have the opportunity to be a part, but we cannot do it alone. God knows that and for that reason He sent His Son to make it a possibility. We need to make use of the Opportunity while we have it.

Give God the glory!

Amen Brother; we need him to help us grow into the head. Thank you for the admonishing, We do need to provoke each other to good works as believers. reminding each other of the sense of urgency that there is since the day is approaching.

 

[Lanolin]

Yea that reminds me to keep provoking my friend who is always distracted. She married an unbeliever and when she was sick and in hospital he asked me to come over and then he started coming on to me. He wanted me to stay the night. I dont know what that was all about. I took my mum with me.

It must be hard to stay married with an unbeliever. I just couldnt do it. I mean an unbeliever will not know how to be clean.

There must be an element of coveting in many peoples marriages because i was thinking a true christian brother would love the Lord first and not be wanting my flesh, so much so that he wants me to have his jollies or his babies. I think men look at women, judge them on what they look, like and if they can give them good looking children. (And sons..men generally dont want daughters)
Women do that too, but I dont know Ive not had that intense desire to want to go through all that. Sometimes you hear women talk and all they talk about is what they want. And if its not sex it will be food, which many use to fill their emptiness, but it will never satisfy them. And then you hear of endless weight problems?! What exactly is keeping married people together, and what breaks them apart. Its only one thing.

Certainly the new testament never mentions in its letters you must have children and have to be married in order to be happy. Mary was not even thinking about it when she was espoused to joseph...she didnt even know how to, and she answered so innocently and humbly when the angel told her she was to have a child. However she was warned about the sorrow that would pierce her heart (jesus death).

The bible warns over and over about fornication and says to stop fornication everyone must have their own husband or wife. But it doesnt then say fornication is actually good thing for marrieds either. When noahs family survived the flood the very next thing that happened was terrible, one of his sons Ham saw noah and his wife having relations so he wanted his brothers to see! No child should ever see their parents naked and going at each other. Talk about traumatising. Im sure there is a right way and a wrong way to be intimate together. But so many go about it the wrong way and cause a lot of damage.

I dont go or stay in churches that are too worldly as I dont feel safe in them... but sometimes its the divorcees that I have trouble dealing with..their partners cheated or left them for some reason and then Im like the person that they dump all their issues on. Not all of them but a few have kind of abused that. You start to feel like you are the second best substitute, the Leah instead of the Rachel.

The bible says if you are married, stay married..if you are single, stay single. Be happy in what the Lord calls you. Which is good advice. You get very tired of hearing women going hunting all the time as if they predators and the men are prey. And vice versa. You just trust the Lord. I dont think its anything to obsess over..its only other people that obsess over it Ive found because they havent found the secret of contentment and they have left their first love who is Jesus.


Youd be minding your own business (or the lords, the case may be) but then you will get either a busybody married person wanting to know why you single..or someone of the opposite sex trying to determine if you are 'available' which is why one of my friends went to the $2 shop to buy a ring so she could flash the finger at anyone being so nosy.