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Spanking

dannibear

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2009
Messages
1,345
I am not a parent, but I would love answers from
parents themselves.
At Winn-Dixie the other day, a small child was causing
a little chaos in the store, running around bouncing
balls and not putting them back, and he knocked
some items off shelves by accident, but didn't bother
to put them back either.
His mother spanked the child right there in the aisle,
and no one said anything to her, but I
heard an elderly woman behind me mutter
"How could she do that to her own child?"

I never thought much about spanking,
in fact, I was spanked myself when I was
younger. But more and more people
are saying that it is child abuse.
I never thought my mother was abusing me
when she spanked me...
Anyone agree or disagree?
 
Scripturally you answered your own question---I was the director in a ministry similar to Teen Challenge for about 14 years---We were co-ed but had a lot of single moms with children---the moms were in horrible shape from drug abuse, prostitution etc etc---The kids were mostly abused pretty hurting little folks---As we helped the moms receive the Lords forgiveness, deliverance, spiritual and mental health, we also were working with the children showing them a love they had never encountered before---With that came guidelines and spankings---I was the one who administered the spankings---The kids caught on quickly and responded very well---I would never spank one without explaining why I was doing it and I would never let them off my lap without hugging them til they finished crying---These kids had never had anyone in their lives who cared enough for them to take the time to lovingly discipline them and they really responded to it were healed in so many ways from mostly dysfunctional to pretty normal little guys---In 14 years we never had a child failure---The moms not so much----I'll never forget little Amy----So dysfunctional to the point of not speaking properly and saliva just drueling out of her mouth uncontrollably---After 9 months she was completely healed and the brightest little thing imaginable---But her mom began to really rebel and for the sake of all the others in the ministry we had to decide to remove her---We bought her and Amy tickets to her home back east---I was the one who had to drive them to the bus station and it was horrible---When little Amy got on the bus she put her face against the window and just started crying so hard and then screaming, "Uncle Harold I want to stay with you, please don't make me go"---It was just heartbreaking but completely out of my control------------But that's how all the kids were as they really responded to loving discipline and yes spankings.

Happy
 
That made me tear up
Thank you for that story. It was touching and lovely.
And thank you for your insight as well.
 
I believe child beating in general is abuse and a faliure sign from the parents to communicate with the child, That faliure price is paid by the child only, no one else, though the child is not reposnible for it.
Personally I believe if it's spanking it would be more humiliating especially when the child get spanked or beated in genegral in fromt of others.

and I believe the rod that the Bible meant was the rod of love that a shephard has to guide it's sheep, I believe we can gain a child respect by making them love us, this is the rod, LOVE

I have communication problems because of rough unreasonable punishment I had when I was a child, and believe me, it hurts more than it helps, actually it doesn't discipline at all,

Jesus didn't punish one single child, and neither we should do, yet his remarkable love and his unique ability to communicate with them when he said in saint Mark Bible chapter 10 verses 14 and 15

But when Jesus saw it, he was moved with indignation, and said to them, “Allow the little children to come to me! Don’t forbid them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 10:15 Most certainly I tell you, whoever will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child, he will in no way enter into it.”

so can I spank or beat a child, a saint, an innocent angel, because I failed to communicate?
And who said I'm the right one?
Why always the parents must be right?
Maybe the child is the right one in many times, who gave me the right to condemn those saints,

some childern grew and say to themselves, my parents were Christians, see how bad they were to me, and they leave Christianity,

Some parents don't allow their children to reach to Jesus because of their reactions and impatience to them

I believe Love is the road, and the rod,
with love you can put your child on the right way, and make him or her follow Jesus.
but with spanking, or any other rough or disrespect punishment, we will lose them and lose ourselves too.
 
I am not a parent, but I would love answers from
parents themselves.
At Winn-Dixie the other day, a small child was causing
a little chaos in the store, running around bouncing
balls and not putting them back, and he knocked
some items off shelves by accident, but didn't bother
to put them back either.
His mother spanked the child right there in the aisle,
and no one said anything to her, but I
heard an elderly woman behind me mutter
"How could she do that to her own child?"

I never thought much about spanking,
in fact, I was spanked myself when I was
younger. But more and more people
are saying that it is child abuse.
I never thought my mother was abusing me
when she spanked me...
Anyone agree or disagree?

It's always good to see a parent who is willing to bring their child up with discipline. There happens to be a big difference between discipline and abuse. I take it this mother gave a swat to the behind and said something like straighten up. Discipline. Had this mother taken some sort of instrument and 'spanked' the child continusly there should have been someone to step in for the child. This doesn't appear to be the case.

As far as the obnoxious comment 'How could she do this to her own child?" She did this to help instill good manners rather than raise a child who believes the world revolves around them and they can do as they please without thought to anyone around.

I ask, which is more abusive to a child. The mother who will spank to get the attention of bad behaviour that needs correction OR the mother who will allow the child to constantly disrupt situations and then this 'child' to later find that the world really does not revolve around them nor do they always get what they want at the harm of others.

I also spanked my children. By the age of about 4-6, however, I was able to reason with them to a greater degree and spanking was not needed. It kind of depends on if a parent wants to take the time to explain things and get understanding from the child or not. Opps, sorry, the phrase "not enough time in the day" comes to mind with all of us trying to 'get ahead'. The only answer is THEN MAKE TIME. :wink: Where is the priority?
 
I have two children. One responds well when I explain to her what she did wrong and send her into time out. The other tells us that he refuses to go into time out and calls us names. We usualy exhaust other options first but usualy we find that the only dicipline the boy responds to is a spanking. The whole experience has taught me that every child is different. I think parents should be able to weigh the options on a case by case basis but at least start with the less harsh dicipline and only work their way up if they need to with that child.
 
Abuse is done after you've reached your boiling point. Discipline is done in love. Parents need to start realizing there "child" doesn't have the mental facilities to 'reason'. Conversation only lowers yourself to there level of reasoning. "In sin did my mother conceive me" David said. You don't have to teach a child to do "wrong"....its there nature.

I'm sure this will come off to some as racist, but oh well. I used to work at a Juvenile Detention Jail. The black kids always hated the white kids that talked bad about there mothers ,why , because the st*p*d white mothers never beat there hyde's."Its abuse"........PLEASE PEOPLE !!! God Bless the black mothers that put that beatin on there boys, they grow up to respect there mama's while the white boys would just as well spit in there mothers faces. For the record, I'm a white male.

Sorry, ^^^this is just an example not ALL. I've just seen to many kids grow up wild (family or not), and it ALL stems around the lack of proper parental discipline, hence ,sparing the rode. :secret:
 
Abuse is done after you've reached your boiling point. Discipline is done in love. Parents need to start realizing there "child" doesn't have the mental facilities to 'reason'. Conversation only lowers yourself to there level of reasoning. "In sin did my mother conceive me" David said. You don't have to teach a child to do "wrong"....its there nature.

I'm sure this will come off to some as racist, but oh well. I used to work at a Juvenile Detention Jail. The black kids always hated the white kids that talked bad about there mothers ,why , because the st*p*d white mothers never beat there hyde's."Its abuse"........PLEASE PEOPLE !!! God Bless the black mothers that put that beatin on there boys, they grow up to respect there mama's while the white boys would just as well spit in there mothers faces. For the record, I'm a white male.

Sorry, ^^^this is just an example not ALL. I've just seen to many kids grow up wild (family or not), and it ALL stems around the lack of proper parental discipline, hence ,sparing the rode. :secret:

That did come off as racist and was a horrible example.

I am sure that obviously the racist part wasn't your intention, but you should adjust your words. I know plenty of people who grew up fine without being punished physically. Physical punishment is primitive and shows weakness in the links in the chains of humanity. There are easier ways to tell a child that there are negative side effects for doing something bad, more effective ways.

Neither one is awful or bad, but you should always try to chose the best punishment and the most effective in every situation. Some types of punishment can harm a child emotionally.
 
Spanking our Children in their forming years was far and few between. I was very cautious disciplining our children as I was abused a lot growing up by my paternal father so this put doubts in my mind about discipline. If it was done it was not out of reaction but well thought out love. We told them what they were being punished for, followed it through, and when the tears began to subside we told them we loved them and asked them not to do it again. Sometimes they were in time out, other times once the punishment was over it was family time as usual.

We rarely spanked our children because they were really good children. We disciplined them by different means, ie time out, groundings, taking things what they love away from them for a while. For us this worked. I only have to raise my voice today and it can bring them to tears and they know if they have overstepped the mark.

We raised our kids they way they should go as the bible said; sometimes we spared the rod too. I am for spanking if it is done out of love and used as a correctional method of discipline. What I am not about is spanking just for the heck of it which happened a lot for me growing up and it was not done out of love.
 
Wisdom is best

We do live in a culture that makes quick judgement, especially when it looks like a child is being abused. My wife and I had four children, and only one was a boy. Most all parents will experience the situation described in the store. Best advice is be wise. To keep anyone from making bad judgements and making yourself look bad, be wise. Take the sweet child out to the car. Just leave the cart where this happened. This takes you out of the center of attention. When you get to the car, put this little bundle of happiness home and take what action is needed to make an impression to hopefully prevent this next time.

I can't say this is always it was handled, but I will state by the time we got home We were calmed down and punishment was done when we were in more control of our emotions.

It is so much easier to see things as a grandparent than as a parent.
 
So little devils.......oh my......they are a blessing , cute as can be, but they are like little monkeys too. Always wanting that banana that is just out of reach, if they do not get it they throw a tantrum.
They will test you as they get to be about two or three, they seek to see what you will do.

So before I say, discipline before you get to the store, will prevent such situations.....but you will have one or two or maybe three instances with each child, where public discipline is required, as you have to enforce the reaction to the situation at that time. It does no good later. As they get older you can add talking to the situation.

I have three children , all grown now. And now I have three grand children.

I grew up friends with a hickory switch. If I was bad or sassed my mother or father, I got a whipping, up to about age ten. After that they did not have to do anything but talk to me, you see I had learned to respect them. So they had won the battle.

I did the same with my children, those who say it is abuse are a product of modern times and are the very reason the world is in the fix we are in. If a child is throwing a tantrum because you will not buy them a superman toy, starts throwing things out of the shopping cart, yelling at the top of their lungs.....bust them. They learn this is not a wanted reaction. A time or two and they learn.
Then one day when they are good, reward them and buy them that toy......they learn being good is better than bad.

To not discipline them only allows them to grow up, disrespectful, and does them the great harm of inattention.

There is a great difference in discipline and abuse. A spanking is good for them, abuse is when you as a parent lose control. And besides past about 10 years of age, physical punishment is not a good option anyway, but up to that age, it gets their attention, it keeps you in control, and as they enter the teenage years you can talk with them. If you have not gained their respect, let them run loose, you have done great harm. At his point you may not be able to control them.

Modern society has taken it to an extreme. So one does have to be intelligent, and maybe even let it go that time, deal with a situation the next time .

I can in my generation to the next see a huge difference. My children are respectful, do well and honor things. The grand kids are products of the modern age, they are disrespectful, sassy, fight, fuss and have no respect for things. But if one does spank them they know they can use the system to run to school and say, Grand Pa spanked me.......and Grandpa goes to jail. As they get older, it becomes worse. There is no control and they can challenge and do at will.......so now they do as they will....and society says this is just OK.

A couple years ago on the local news, and in the paper in Lexington South Carolina a lady got a call from the police that her teenage son was at the jail. He was driving drunk in a stolen car.
She went to get him and when they let him out, the boy told her where to go, and she hauled of and smacked him across the face.

The mother ended up in jail. The boy ended up in a social care program and a foster home situation.

Beware of society, do not let them control you, stop it before it ever gets to this.

Spank the little monkeys, teach them respect, talk to them about thing as they grow older.....sit with them and help with school work and take the time to listen to them..... The world and society is a great obstacle and becoming more so all the time.

We have entered a time in our society where self preservation is the goal. Unfortunately the lack of discipline allows the kids to run loose, have no respect or self worth. So yes , be careful with public spanking, try to teach at home, before you enter public , as a public spanking this day in age may result in the consequences of a liberal society. Out of self preservation, nip it at home, do not let it get to the point you do have to public discipline.

Kit
 
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Imagine this.

It has been a while since I first posted in this topic, a lot has happened since then. My son who is about to turn 20 soon and is studying to be a teacher questioned my motives behind the type of discipline I used when he was in his forming years. He challenged me very openly at home and brought my parenting skills into question due to the fact I did spank him. I can count the number of times I did on my hands. Yet his persistent question was why dad? After trying to explain to him why it was done, he still came back with why? So I summed it up in five words; “You crossed the line son”. It did not seem enough for him as he was trying to comprehend the action. He then said to me dad I will do it differently when I have kids. It hurt a bit but I know that what I may have done wrong as a parent - the following generation will try to do better. I took it on the chin as he is his own man now and we left it at that.

A couple of months go by......

This week he came up to me after he finished his shift at after school hour’s care (part-time whilst studying) and thanked me for spanking him in his forming years. He then proceeded to explain actions and consequences and how upon reflection after caring for the children in OSHC he could see that there were some children who lacked discipline and self-control. He then thanked me again for instilling in him the notion of ‘what will be the consequences from my actions’ which he admitted he uses today.

My heart and mind were flooded with emotions that I contained before my son. All I could think of was thankyou Lord that you shown me the way to raise this child of mine. Being affirmed was wholesome for me as a parent and his dad.

I know not every child needs to be disciplined in this manner. Who would have known that fifteen years ago my form of discipline would have a profound effect on him now and be thanked for it in his forming adulthood.

Just thought I’d share this.
 
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I am not a parent, but I would love answers from
parents themselves.
At Winn-Dixie the other day, a small child was causing
a little chaos in the store, running around bouncing
balls and not putting them back, and he knocked
some items off shelves by accident, but didn't bother
to put them back either.
His mother spanked the child right there in the aisle,
and no one said anything to her, but I
heard an elderly woman behind me mutter
"How could she do that to her own child?"

I never thought much about spanking,
in fact, I was spanked myself when I was
younger. But more and more people
are saying that it is child abuse.
I never thought my mother was abusing me
when she spanked me...
Anyone agree or disagree?
Before i give my answers regarding spanking .i want to say that at NO TIME should a child be spanked in a public place . It is humiliating and that is wrong .
I do not believe that spanking in and of itself is abuse unless one does it abusively or without justification.
I do not believe tat spanking is the BEST choice for correcting a child and it is not a proper punishment for every single child .
I also believe that the bible does not lay down a mandate for Christians to spank their child ..If that were true then it also mandates in a certain place that we stone them too .
My policy is that spanking should be a reserved option for parents to use for some children ,but even then it should be held to a strict criteria which ensures that no abuse is committed that there is forewarning that the deed must be deliberate and maliscious
and the child must clearly understand that they actually have done wrong and not just because mom and dad says so ..
 
There is a difference in spanking and abuse. I was spanked as a kid. I am glad my mother loved me enough to discipline me instead of letting me run wild. I spank my son. I don't spank him every time he does something, if verbally correcting him does not work, and he refuses to listen, then I spank. I don't spank him when I am angry, I will go cool off and then come back and deal with it. If you can discipline a child and never have to spank them, and it works, then that is great.
 
You've already found the answer to your question, but I'll go ahead and make my post anyway. Spanking is not abuse and is ultimately the backup for other forms of discipline. For instance, what if you told a son or daughter to go to "timeout" and the child's response was "no, and you can't make me." Once the kid learned that s/he would get spanked for not going to timeout, you could then use timeout without having to spank later. When I got into mischief as a child, my dad invented this thing called an "abc spanking." He'd get his belt and give me a pop for every letter from A to Z. It wasn't fun, but I learned to behave and very well knew the alphabet. :P
 
I agree that there is a big difference between discipline and abuse. When I hear about people spanking a baby, it instantly makes my skin boil. My baby is 18 mos. old and he has never had a spanking. Now, we have popped his hand --> which he laughs at me about :(. Of course, when I hear about somebody spanking a 10 month old or something, I could really blow my top. Spanking an infant is abuse they are incapable of correlating the spanking with the action they are being spanked for--they only know they are being hit.
 
As a mother of four children, three of which are very active and in need of correcting, I can attest that spanking is not abuse. Then again, context is key. If a father or mother is simply beating their child on the bottom excessively and out of anger, then it could very well constitute abuse. As a form of punishment, though, I am not against it.
 
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